It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Time for a Change

It’s time to change things up once again from the usual on here. A comment I received here a few weeks back has resonated loudly with me, and a few days ago a video I watched sort of set things in motion that were set up by what was said here. I must thank indigojester for her very thought provoking and insightful words, it was exactly what I needed to hear. What has been set in motion is nothing short of a full spiritual cleansing, which I am hoping will help set me back on the life path I am supposed to be following. I have strayed from my spiritual purpose for quite a while, the physical world needed to take priority, but now it is time to rekindle my practice and the studies of my craft.

I wish I could say that I have received revelations in this cleansing that I am undertaking, but so far it has served more to reawaken what has always been within. I have learned nothing new, but old lessons are being further reinforced and proven right. I know now, what I have always known, that in order to find work in the physical world, I must first make things right in the spiritual world. A real world job, while a necessity in this time, is only secondary to my true life’s work. I hesitate to use the term shaman, but all too often I seem to return to it, but it is my path in life. I am here to heal and to protect, to aid all who seek out my help with the knowledge I have acquired, and to pass it on to those deserving. It is a path I did not choose, it chose me for some reason. There are things in life that must from time to time come before this practice, but it is what truly makes me happy and fulfilled. I hold great power within me, and though it is a power that everyone has, I am one of the few who learn to use it, and as such I must nurture and respect this power. 

What it all boils down to is, I was too focused on what I did not have, that I forgot to appreciate what I already have. I have everything that I need, and much of what I want is just that, something that I want but may not necessarily need. Until I can once again appreciate those things I do have, my wants will go unfulfilled. I neglected an important part of my life, and it is no different than neglect of a physical wound that has become infected. That infection will spread throughout the body if not dealt with, and the same holds true with my life. I cannot neglect something so important without serious repercussions in other aspects of my life. Now is a time of healing and reflection for me, to cleanse myself of the excess negativity. I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing, and I can ask for nothing more incredible than that.