It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Still Not Over

It's funny how a song made during the great depression is so relevant still today. Anyone who thinks this recession is over obviously hasn't had to look for work recently.

I'll be standing on a street corner with a sign myself if I don't get a job soon. I don't want any hand outs, I just want a job to support myself so I don't have to ask for a hand out.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

What Am I Doing Wrong?

So, I’ve had a question running through my head for a good part of the day now. I have a job interview later today, and once again the subject comes up of whether or not to mention that I’m trans during the interview. So far I haven’t for any that I’ve had, and I’ve also had no luck with getting a job. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, or not well enough. I prepare myself as much as possible, but no amount of that is ever enough for to keep a question or two from throwing me off. I know that’s normal, and that they try to do that, but I just wish I had more answers. I can go in and walk out thinking I’m sure that I’ve got it, and never hear back only to call later and find out they hired someone else.

I know my experience level is probably my biggest obstacle. I worked retail for 5 months, a lot of places want you to have at least a years worth of retail experience to be hired. My other 2 jobs can technically be called retail, and some aspects of them were the same, but I know that not everyone sees it like that. The reality is that I’ve got experience, but just not enough. I’ve got enough to get an interview, and my guess is unless I absolutely blow them away during it they have no intentions of hiring me unless no one better comes along.

I hate the way things are in this country. I’ve been out of work for 3 months now, and I’ve been applying to jobs for 4 months. I’ve put in damn near 100 applications and only gotten 6 interviews so far. I’m not throwing in the towel though; I know interviews mean I have a chance, so as long as there’s another one coming there’s hope. I just need something soon. I only have enough money to pay for 1 more months rent, and then I’m flat broke. I don’t know what’s going to happen if I get to that point.

The reality that’s smacking me in the face right now is, I’m trans, don’t pass perfectly all the time, have no job and little money, and only the bare minimum of work history. I’m scared out of my mind that I’m not going to get a lucky break in time. I can’t make Stef pay the entire rent by herself; we’ll be living on like 100 bucks a month if that happens. I’m over qualified for fast food, under qualified for most jobs I see ads for out there, and apparently not impressive enough in an interview for a job that I can do. What the hell am I supposed to do? If things don’t improve soon enough I’ll be living at the nearest homeless shelter.

Going back to my grandparents is not an option. If I do, it’s as good as putting a bullet through my head. I love them, and miss being able to see them and the rest of my family, but there is no future for me there. There aren’t enough jobs down there period, let alone one for someone like me. Dropping anchor there means I failed, and it means there is no chance of leaving again. My resources have been exhausted, and the next time I go there to live, I fear may be the last time I have somewhere to come back from. So yes, a homeless shelter in this area would be preferable to going back there. So long as I’m in the area, I stand a chance at finding a job.

Staying positive is hard right now, and I’m doing my best at it, but all the positive thoughts in the world can’t make someone give me a job. I’ll just keep on doing my best and hoping things work out. That’s all I really can do. I'm probably not going to mention anything about being trans during the interview, because I feel that it's something best discussed if I'm hired since it has no effect on my job performance. I just wish that counted for something. Do I leave someone wondering or do I flat out tell them and hope they're sympathetic? That's my dilemma, it's sad but true.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Trying My Best

There hasn’t really been a great deal of stuff happening lately to talk about, but there’s enough that I think I can get a post out of it. I managed to get an interview with Best Buy last week, and I thought I was going to ace the interview since I talked to a friend that works at one and got a few tips. They had an opening in the portable electronics department, which includes cameras, and from what the person who called about the interview told me, I stood a good chance since I have experience with them. I read up as much as I could and went over all kinds of potential questions. I did my research and thought I was as ready as I could possibly be.

I got there for the interview 15 minutes early; I didn’t want to leave anything to chance. I had a copy of my resume with me, and I made sure to look my best. When I finally went back with the guy for the interview we sat down at a table and I had to sign and initial a few things before we got started. He told me he was going to ask 8 questions and then after I’d have the chance to ask any of my own and point out any qualifications and such. That threw me off right from the start, especially since all the questions were generic interview questions that he read from a list.

I was doing just fine until he got to ones about what if I had a coworker that I didn’t get along with. I stumbled around a bit with my answers on those ones, mostly because I’d never really had more than maybe one question of that type in an interview before. The other reason was because I’ve gotten along with all but one or 2 people I’ve ever worked with, so it was kind of awkward to come up with something good on the spot in a few seconds. I had focused on convincing them that I could make sales and was knowledgeable of the products, and they hit me with coworker nonsense.

I did pretty well in the last stage where I asked stuff. I asked the usual schedule expectations and hours per week questions. I also made sure to drop the hint that I knew my stuff with cameras, and straight up told him that I felt like I could go sell someone a camera right then. I tried to focus on what I know is the most important thing to a retail store like Best Buy; sales and customer service. He told me that he was going to start calling people on Friday, which was just 2 days away, so I figured I’d know soon enough.

It’s Monday night and I haven’t gotten any phone calls from them. Stef took me by there this afternoon when were out, and I left a not for the guy since he wasn’t there. I don’t know if I’m going to get it or not, I feel like I’ve done all that I can do. I did a decent job on the interview, trip ups considered, so all I can do is keep applying to other places and hope for the best. I’m not holding my breath since I know there were probably other people more qualified than me, but I need it bad. If I run out of money I have no place to go.