Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
I'm not sure what we're going to do if one of us can't find work within the next couple of months. The pressure is on more than ever now, and the jobs haven't gotten any easier to come by. We'll be ok for a while, but the bills don't exactly stop coming. I'm scared to be honest, but I guess I need to stay positive. We've both been getting interviews, her even more than me, so I guess its just a matter of time. I suppose its a good thing I had that rekindling of my faith just before all this happened, and probably why it did, to get me through these dark times.
Its just been a time where one thing after another goes wrong, some of which I won't be writing about. On the plus side I feel like it has brought Stef and I closer than ever, and I guess I can look at that as the silver lining. Its scary when you're future is so uncertain like this, but I know that eventually things have to get better. We just need to be strong and work hard to get to a stable position in life. I don't know what's going to happen in the coming months, but I hope its good for us both. She needed a better less stressful job, and this just makes it easier to move on to something that may be better.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
I thought this video was the perfect way to start my post. To me this shows that president Obama is well worth re-electing this fall. To hear the president of this country so many of us call home encourage us to be hopeful and strong, and recognize and honor those who have fallen in the struggle of equal rights, is enough to bring me to tears. It gives me hope for the future of our cause, and that we may once again set this nation on the right track to peace and prosperity. To be in his position and take the stance he has, I feel takes a lot of courage as well. It is something no president before him has gotten 100% behind, and he continues to make history in doing so. Hope is something this country is terribly in need of, and unlike the policies of his political rivals, his do that. He is a progressive minded politician, and that is something we desperately need.
Just as we needed progressives 100 years ago, we need them today as bad as ever. Conservative minded individuals have systematically taken apart so many of the laws and regulations that were put in place all those years ago, and we are now paying the price for their actions. It's time not just for the LGBT community to speak up and demand change, but for anyone who is fed up with backwards, corrupt, and discriminating government policies. Let this be a symbol of hope to rally behind and throw our full support into re-electing Mr. Obama so that he might continue his work. This is our time to make a difference, to feel like we matter and have a voice. Together we can bring about the change so many of us want to see, and we've got a pretty powerful ally on capitol hill now.
This is the culmination of over half a century of suffrage, and it seems like we are finally breaking ground and moving forward. Our support grows stronger every day, and together we can take a stand against the hate so often directed at us. Let us honor the memory of those who have paved the way, and those who have paid the ultimate price for being themselves. Let us take the lessons of the past to heart and be proud of who we are, and not be afraid to live our lives openly and without fear. Our struggle is far from over, but we must continue the fight. We must press on and continue the work of those who came before us, and ensure they did not fight and die in vain.
To sort of rip off Martin Luther King, my dream is a USA where people are judged by the content of their character, and not by their orientation or gender identity. We ask only for equal protections and opportunities that are afforded to anyone else. I pray that I live to see the day where this becomes a reality, and for once I'm starting to think that I just might. We have come so far, and we will go even farther in the coming years. One step at a time we will move forward, and we will over come the tide of oppression that has held us back for so long. Speak out, and make your voice count. Live your life to the fullest and be true to yourself. Do these things not because they are easy, but because they are often times hard, and the harder the fight, the sweeter the victory will be.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
I'll be standing on a street corner with a sign myself if I don't get a job soon. I don't want any hand outs, I just want a job to support myself so I don't have to ask for a hand out.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
So, I’ve had a question running through my head for a good part of the day now. I have a job interview later today, and once again the subject comes up of whether or not to mention that I’m trans during the interview. So far I haven’t for any that I’ve had, and I’ve also had no luck with getting a job. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, or not well enough. I prepare myself as much as possible, but no amount of that is ever enough for to keep a question or two from throwing me off. I know that’s normal, and that they try to do that, but I just wish I had more answers. I can go in and walk out thinking I’m sure that I’ve got it, and never hear back only to call later and find out they hired someone else.
I know my experience level is probably my biggest obstacle. I worked retail for 5 months, a lot of places want you to have at least a years worth of retail experience to be hired. My other 2 jobs can technically be called retail, and some aspects of them were the same, but I know that not everyone sees it like that. The reality is that I’ve got experience, but just not enough. I’ve got enough to get an interview, and my guess is unless I absolutely blow them away during it they have no intentions of hiring me unless no one better comes along.
I hate the way things are in this country. I’ve been out of work for 3 months now, and I’ve been applying to jobs for 4 months. I’ve put in damn near 100 applications and only gotten 6 interviews so far. I’m not throwing in the towel though; I know interviews mean I have a chance, so as long as there’s another one coming there’s hope. I just need something soon. I only have enough money to pay for 1 more months rent, and then I’m flat broke. I don’t know what’s going to happen if I get to that point.
The reality that’s smacking me in the face right now is, I’m trans, don’t pass perfectly all the time, have no job and little money, and only the bare minimum of work history. I’m scared out of my mind that I’m not going to get a lucky break in time. I can’t make Stef pay the entire rent by herself; we’ll be living on like 100 bucks a month if that happens. I’m over qualified for fast food, under qualified for most jobs I see ads for out there, and apparently not impressive enough in an interview for a job that I can do. What the hell am I supposed to do? If things don’t improve soon enough I’ll be living at the nearest homeless shelter.
Going back to my grandparents is not an option. If I do, it’s as good as putting a bullet through my head. I love them, and miss being able to see them and the rest of my family, but there is no future for me there. There aren’t enough jobs down there period, let alone one for someone like me. Dropping anchor there means I failed, and it means there is no chance of leaving again. My resources have been exhausted, and the next time I go there to live, I fear may be the last time I have somewhere to come back from. So yes, a homeless shelter in this area would be preferable to going back there. So long as I’m in the area, I stand a chance at finding a job.
Staying positive is hard right now, and I’m doing my best at it, but all the positive thoughts in the world can’t make someone give me a job. I’ll just keep on doing my best and hoping things work out. That’s all I really can do. I'm probably not going to mention anything about being trans during the interview, because I feel that it's something best discussed if I'm hired since it has no effect on my job performance. I just wish that counted for something. Do I leave someone wondering or do I flat out tell them and hope they're sympathetic? That's my dilemma, it's sad but true.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
There hasn’t really been a great deal of stuff happening lately to talk about, but there’s enough that I think I can get a post out of it. I managed to get an interview with Best Buy last week, and I thought I was going to ace the interview since I talked to a friend that works at one and got a few tips. They had an opening in the portable electronics department, which includes cameras, and from what the person who called about the interview told me, I stood a good chance since I have experience with them. I read up as much as I could and went over all kinds of potential questions. I did my research and thought I was as ready as I could possibly be.
I got there for the interview 15 minutes early; I didn’t want to leave anything to chance. I had a copy of my resume with me, and I made sure to look my best. When I finally went back with the guy for the interview we sat down at a table and I had to sign and initial a few things before we got started. He told me he was going to ask 8 questions and then after I’d have the chance to ask any of my own and point out any qualifications and such. That threw me off right from the start, especially since all the questions were generic interview questions that he read from a list.
I was doing just fine until he got to ones about what if I had a coworker that I didn’t get along with. I stumbled around a bit with my answers on those ones, mostly because I’d never really had more than maybe one question of that type in an interview before. The other reason was because I’ve gotten along with all but one or 2 people I’ve ever worked with, so it was kind of awkward to come up with something good on the spot in a few seconds. I had focused on convincing them that I could make sales and was knowledgeable of the products, and they hit me with coworker nonsense.
I did pretty well in the last stage where I asked stuff. I asked the usual schedule expectations and hours per week questions. I also made sure to drop the hint that I knew my stuff with cameras, and straight up told him that I felt like I could go sell someone a camera right then. I tried to focus on what I know is the most important thing to a retail store like Best Buy; sales and customer service. He told me that he was going to start calling people on Friday, which was just 2 days away, so I figured I’d know soon enough.
It’s Monday night and I haven’t gotten any phone calls from them. Stef took me by there this afternoon when were out, and I left a not for the guy since he wasn’t there. I don’t know if I’m going to get it or not, I feel like I’ve done all that I can do. I did a decent job on the interview, trip ups considered, so all I can do is keep applying to other places and hope for the best. I’m not holding my breath since I know there were probably other people more qualified than me, but I need it bad. If I run out of money I have no place to go.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
It’s been exactly one year since all hell broke loose in my life, almost to the minute at that. A year ago tonight, on the stormiest, wettest night of March, my aunts threw me out on a moments notice, and forced me to get my sick girlfriend to come get me and everything I owned. I won’t recap anything, I feel like what posted after everything that happened last year was enough. I was more or less thrown out on the street, and I’m sure I’d have been out on the street if not for Stef. I was talked to as if I were less than human, misgendered and misnamed, I saw my whole life packed into one vehicle, I was threatened in many ways, and I was tossed aside by my family like a piece of trash.
There isn’t an ounce of forgiveness in my heart, as much as I have tried over the last year to find it. I never hold a grudge, but I can’t just get past what was done to me by my own family. By the people who said they would take me in, give me a safer and more open minded place to live; by the people who I looked at more as best friends than family. It hurts still, just as bad as it did that night. I won’t say that I hate them; I won’t even try to hate them, because hate only brings about more hate. I like to think that karma will do more than I ever could. I have erased them from my life instead, and I hope they can live with what they did.
I’ve come a long way since then, in spite of everything they did to try to screw me over. You can beat the shit out of me, but I’ll keep getting back up. I’m a fighter, and I won’t stop fighting until I’m dead. In the past year I’ve had 4 homes, all in different cities. It’s been a pretty wild and crazy ride living on my own with Stef for the last 10 months, but it’s been rewarding in its own way. The pain and humiliation of that night makes me angry to reflect on, and I’ve taken that anger and used it to motivate me to persevere.
I’ve learned who my real family is, and in spite of all the times I’ve fought with, and been ashamed of my dad’s family, they’ve always been there for me. They haven’t always been accepting of my lifestyle, but they’ve always loved me and taken me in when I had no place else to go. My friends are also like family, and this past year has brought me closer to many of you than I ever expected. I can’t thank those of you who have been there for us in our times of need enough. To me, that’s real family.
That night will forever haunt me, but it put quite a bit into perspective for me too. I know who I can count on in life now, and who I can’t. I know what I am capable of when left to my own devices, and I did well. With any luck, I’m hoping I can make the next year an even better one, and try to put the wrongs done to me by my family behind me. It’s a long road ahead of me, and things are only going to get worse before they get better, but I will endure against all odds. I am a survivalist, and that is what I will do; survive and thrive.