It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Friday, August 12, 2011

New Wave of Creativity

Just when it seemed like things were starting to all go to shit at once, it seems like I’ve gotten a new wave of inspiration to hit me. It all started with the painting I made the other day. It got back into the mindset of creating things, and that’s always when I’m at my happiest.

I also got phone call earlier today about a potential job. I had gotten frustrated about an online application to AT&T that I just spent an hour doing, I was rejected by email 5 minutes after it was done. I got pissed off and decided to go paint and take my mind off of things for a while. The phone rang and I scrambled to drop what I was doing and answer. It’s not a guarantee just yet, but it was someone from an area grocery store that I applied to in July who asked if I was still looking for work. I said yes, and he said he would probably call me back in the next to set up an interview. With any luck maybe I’ll get that job. It’s not as good as what I was hoping for a week ago, but it’s better than working fast food. If I’m offered the job I’ll take it in a heartbeat.

Back on the subject of painting, I guess it popped up at just the right time to keep me from losing my mind. Getting one done again kind of got the gears turning again and I just want to keep going and do more. I’ve been browsing through deviant art the last few days to get inspiration from what other artists have done. I like the work on there, because so much of it is by people at a similar level to me. It gives me the chance to see work done in techniques that are possible for me to try and not fail miserably at. I’m not plagiarizing by any means, I want my work to be unique and my own idea, but at the same time I have to draw those ideas from somewhere. It’s given me a lot to go on, and I’m hoping I can get some more of those ideas down on canvas soon.

I may have found a new market for some of my work. I got some small little 2x2 inch canvases a while back, more out of novelty value than anything. Today I decided to paint a cherry tree branch on one, something really simple. I showed our landlady and apparently the cuteness level is way up there. I’ll never make a ton of money on them, but considering they cost something like a dollar fifty each I can charge five a piece and make a small profit. The cuteness factor can really sell a lot of people, so I’m thinking of getting more once I’ve used what I’ve got. It’s pocket money at the least.

I have to try to balance out time for art and time for applying to jobs, but I think I can manage both. It’s probably going to be a big influence in keeping me applying. I need to be able to tear myself away from the computer and do something I enjoy for a while. I’ve gotten into the mindset lately that if I stop worrying everything goes wrong, when what I really need to do is take some time to calm down and breath. Art is what does that for me more than anything. I turn a classical radio station on and just immerse myself for a while. When I’m painting it’s all I’m thinking about, the ideas that I’m putting into that particular piece are what’s on my mind. I love getting my hands dirty with paint, and setting the brush down and smearing it just right with my fingers. You probably couldn’t tell any of that by how concentrated I look while I’m working, but it’s what I live for. It’s all worth it when I step back and look at what I’ve done and know it’s finished. Painting makes me feel like my time isn’t a complete waste; like I have something more to show for a day than a bunch of applications to places that probably couldn’t care less about me. I feel productive because what I’ve done is right there in front of me and tangible. I get to look at it and know that it went from nothing to something, and that I did it.

Hopefully I’ll hear back about that job soon, I’m still applying to other things in the mean time though. I can’t count on one interview. I’m going to try not to stress too much, although that’s always easier said than done for me.


Anonymous said...

Sage, the full moon in Aquarius ahead will be great for these kinds of endeavors. It helps counter the stillness of our current retrograde in Mercury. Creative pursuits should be energized. You may already be feeling it.

On a related note, what's the easiest way to add you to Facebook? I'd love to keep in closer touch if you'd like.

Sage Fallon said...

There's a link over on the right to my facebook page, just send me a friend request. :)