About:

It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Change of Plans

I’m not quite sure what to say about recent events in my life. After a rough week, I posted a blog venting a bit about it. I’m sure you probably read it or can look at the post before this one and see. My aunts read it and got pissed and kicked me out. I won’t go into details on everything seeing as it’s still pretty painful just to think about. I was minding my own business just finishing dinner when my aunt knocked on my door. She asked if I was talking to Stef, which I was so I said yes. She asked me how she was, and I told her that she was sick. My aunt then told me that she better get unsick because she needed to come and get me. She told me that I couldn’t live there anymore and that I needed to call Stef to come and get me. I was confused as hell until she threw some papers down on the bed next to that I realized were print outs of my blog. She proceeded to tell me how horrible of a person I am for talking shit about them behind their backs and putting it online. I was shocked beyond belief and had started crying at that point and called Stef. I could hardly explain things to her because my aunts were in the room and had decided to start packing my stuff themselves before I even got off the phone. I was in the middle of a nervous break down with Stef on the phone trying to calm me down. All my aunt could say to me was repeatedly asking how soon she got there, telling me that I needed to get off the phone and help pack my stuff, and complain about wanting me out faster so she could go to bed. I tried to apologize to her, but she wanted nothing of it, all she could say was what’s done is done. I was lying in the floor crying saying that I wanted to die. My aunt tells me that being kicked out never killed anyone. I almost grabbed a razor blade that was sitting on the desk behind me, and the only reason I didn’t was because of Stef. My aunt told me to get off the phone and help move stuff because she wanted it all on the porch when she got there. Stef called to tell me that she was close, and asked if she could come in to help me pack. My aunt said she couldn’t come inside. By then I composed myself enough to take a few things out. Stef got there and we started loading the truck up. I didn’t think we could make everything fit, and my aunt says pile it to the roof that it better all fit. When we were getting the last few things she stopped us on the porch. She then told us that she was going to keep track of my blog and if I wrote anything else about them she would call the police. She then told us that if anything happened to the house or their vehicles she was going to just assume it was us. She told us good riddance and turned the light off on us before we even got out of the drive way. 3/23/11 3:00 AM

I’m not going to go into detail about where I went after that, mostly because anyone who treats me like that really doesn’t care. I’m staying with someone that’s watching my back, that’s all I’ll say for now. I don’t have internet for now, I’m at Stef’s house for a little while and wanted to get online and post an update so you don’t think I’ve died or anything. I’ve been keeping track of everything in a notebook and writing it all down. I never saw this coming, and I wish I was exaggerating about the way I was treated that night, but I’m not. It’s as nightmarishly horrible as it sounds. I don’t care what anyone says, there was nothing that happened that night that couldn’t have been solved by sitting down and talking things out. I still have stuff there; I’ve realized that since going through my stuff in the last couple of weeks.

Since my aunt said she’s keeping track of my blog, I’ll say it on here. I want my stuff back; the smaller stuff can be mailed to my grandparents or my mom. If my things aren’t mailed to me then I’ll come and get them myself, but not without a cop present. After the threats my aunt made that night I don’t feel safe going back there without at least one cop present. That’s not the way I want to do it, I’d prefer to get everything but my guitar in the mail and my mom can pick the guitar up for me some other time. I will do it that way if I have to though. The shock and depression have worn off now, and I just want to be done with it all.

Stef and I are getting an apartment, and with any luck I’ll never have to depend on my family for a damn thing again. I’m through with this bullshit. I thought I had at least two family members that I could count on no matter what. I looked up to my aunt for her acceptance of me and everything she had done to help me. That all changed the night she decided that a blog post was more important. I now realize that I have no family that I can count on. I’ve got a lot of hard times ahead of me in the immediate future, and if I fail at what I’m about to do I blame them. This is something Stef and I have been wanting to do, but not under these circumstances.

I don’t know what’s going to become of me in the coming weeks, but I will keep posting about it on here. So long as I don’t use names and addresses or make any threats or false claims against anyone, there isn’t a damn thing anyone can do to me legally for writing things on here. If you don’t believe me go look up the Virginia defamation laws. “Truth is an absolute defense to a defamation law suit”. I’m a writer, just more of a reporter or journalist. Here goes nothing, I’m going to gamble everything and hope that I come out ahead in the long run. I’m going to be posting what I’ve been writing in my notebook on here at a later date.