It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Friday, February 18, 2011


I hadn't gotten a call from social security yet, so earlier today/yesterday my aunt took me to county office. After waiting forever to talk to someone I got some extremely infuriating news. That phone appointment that I was supposed to have back in January was actually scheduled in the system as in office appointment. I brought the letter with me and apparently whoever was supposed to send it out to me got the type of appointment wrong. So they lied to me that day when I called and they said someone had tried to call me. No one called because I was supposed to be in the damn office! They completely fucked my case up from day one apparently. The person I talked to didn't have the authority to set an appointment for me. Apparently someone should be calling me in the next week or so to set up an in office appointment for me and get it all expedited. Right now I'm almost ashamed to say I was born in this country with the way federal employees have been handling this. I'm more pissed off than ever now. I just hope everything gets straightened out and I actually hear from someone this time. So far all they've done is fuck up my case and lie to me about it. I really hope I get this after all the headaches I'm going through just trying to get an evaluation out of them. That's what sucks about this, I could finally get the evaluation and then get denied and all the hard work have been for nothing.

I just want to get it over with, which could have been the case by now if they hadn't screwed everything up so badly. I'm giving the waiting for a phone call approach one last try. If a week goes by and I hear nothing I'm going back to that office and will sit and wait as long as it takes to get the fucking manager out there to see me and make an appointment right then and there. I'm tired of this bullshit! I've heard people say different quite a few times, but I don't care. With the treatment I've gotten from the SSA lately, I feel like they don't care about me at all. I feel like I'm just a number to them. What little faith I had in my government is slowly eroding away. Sorry don't fucking cut it when their mistake is only consequential to me. I'll just be glad when the whole thing is over with, whether I get it or not.


Anonymous said...

Look, I'm not trying to be a bastard here. I know that what you are going through is anything but easy and that the stress when combined with the current job market and the discrimination you are facing and will continue to face is enough to drive you crazy but, I would not hold out any hope for social security and honestly I don't think you deserve it. Don't get angry, listen to me. I have 2 brothers. One had his right arm ripped off and several fingers of his left hand ripped off in an industrial accident. The left arm was damaged as well as the loss of the fingers so that he can barely get dressed by himself and although he was a very skilled and experienced machinist cannot get work of any kind. Social securities answer to him after many attempts to get disability is that he is not disabled he could be a telemarketer.
My other brother used to drive a delivery truck. His company sent him out after a very bad ice storm in a truck with no grating to protect the driver from a falling load. His truck slid of the road going down a steep hill and the entire load landed on top of him breaking his back. It is heart breaking to see a man who was an avid outdoorsman sitting in his wheelchair because he has broken so many bones falling while trying to walk since his bones are disintegrating due to the pain medication he is on for the excruciating pain he is in 24/7. This is after 2 surgeries and workmans comp was taken from him even though the workmans comp doctor said he was the worst case he had ever seen and totally deserved compensation. He has been fighting social security for over 5 years trying to get disability and after 2 lawyers and giving up most of his savings in the fight is still disallowed because according to them he is not disabled enough. With the help of a walker he can stand 0n a good day sometimes for minutes at a time. SSI's answerl your good to work go get a job you lazy leech. I'm sorry but after watching these fiascos for years I have very little sympathy for someone in your apparently good physical condition getting disability because you are stressed and unhappy with your life.

Sage Fallon said...

Your brothers deserve disability just as much as I do. I'm not making my life out to be any better or worse than anyone else's. I'm not looking for sympathy from anyone, all I'm looking for is a chance to do something with my life. I never asked for my problems, PTSD, anxiety, and depression can be just as disabling as a physical injury. It embarrasses me to have to resort to applying for SSI. Maybe I deserve it and maybe I don't. There's one thing your brothers got that I haven't, a chance to make a living for themselves in the first place. The chance to work a job and make an honest living at least for a while. The conditions I've grown up and lived under have robbed me of that chance, and to some extent influenced bad decisions I made related to that. I want SSI so that I can afford to get a job in the first place, because unfortunately in this country it seems like it takes money to make any money at all. So don't have sympathy for me, I don't want it. I just want a reliable steady income so I can live my life like someone my age should be able to.

Clairese said...

I have a 36 year-old nephew who felt compelled by his inner goth to get his body covered with really ugly, and to many folks, quite disturbing, tattoos. If that wasn't enough of a punch in the face to the senses of traditional society, he added those big black grommet earrings (about 3/4 inch in diameter, along with an eyebrow, nose and lip piercing.

He used to be a handsome, Amerasian sort of man. Now he looks like a middle-aged, pile of mutilated flesh.

Here's the really remarkable part: He can't fathom why nobody wants to hire him, or why people tend to shun him.

He still lives with his mother, and like you, seems to think that he should get some sort of public assistance for his, "depression."

It would be easy for anyone to label him as a complete loser and a waste of human flesh.

In your case, those who are unfamiliar with you talents in photography and website creation, might make the mistake of putting you in the same category as my nephew, but fortunately for you you have some tangible examples of your talents.

All you really need is someone to coach you and encourage you to move forward with your life.

Take a look around at those who became successful. Some had financial resources, but most start dirt-poor, even worse than you.

If they have no money, they look for free training opportunities, or apprenticeship programs.

Near where you live, the Trades (Plumbing, Masonry, Electricians, etc.) ARE BEGGING people your age to come and work. They ALL have "earn as you learn" programs and within a short period of time, you could be running your own business, with a solid income.

Social Security support is there for the truly incapacitated, infirm or disabled.

From what I have read of your work, so far, you could be a constructive member of any work crew and with a little experience would likely be running your own business in a few years.