It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Friday, February 4, 2011

It's Been a Rough Week

This week started out ok, up until Tuesday night. I went to my doctors appointment at the clinic, and I even ran into a friend in the waiting room who I hadn't seen in a long time. So I was pretty happy by the time they called me back to see the doctor, which was my first time seeing the new one too. Just my luck my blood pressure and pulse rate were up a little again, but I was honest and said that I've been forgetting to take my heart meds both times a day lately. I even attributed a little bit of it to the fact that I had gotten my lip pierced just 2 days before and it's still healing. Everything was fine though, my doctor told me she wanted to get labs on me, and that she wants them done every 3 months now, which means at every appointment for me.

I had just had labs done at my last visit in November and my old doctor only did them every 6 months, so I wasn't expecting it that night. I had only eaten one small microwave meal for lunch and a little cup of pretzel bites that I had gotten at the mall a few hours before. I thought I'd be ok, wouldn't be the first time I'd had blood taken on an almost empty stomach. The girl that did it this time took twice as long as it usually does to get my blood and was afraid she might have to stick me again. She had me squeezing some little ball thing to make more blood come out, and she filled up 3 vials instead of the usual 2. By the time I was sitting there holding the piece of gauze on my arm I was feeling light headed. I thought nothing of it until my vision started getting all weird and felt like I was starting to black out. My ears were ringing and everything sounded kind of muffled and I started to feel sick by the time I got it across to them that I thought I might puke. I sat there until they asked me if I wanted to go to the bathroom, so I said yes and they helped me up and held on to my arm all the way to the bathroom and gave me a cup of water to drink. I coughed over the toilet a few times, never puked and felt fine within a few minutes.

They held me about 15 minutes longer and checked me out before they let me leave, but everything was ok after that. I attribute it to not eating enough beforehand and them taking a bit more than usual that pushed it that far. I've been fine ever since, I think I probably scared them more than it all scared me. It was a rough experience, but I managed to shake it off pretty quickly. My aunt had brought me that night and was a little worried about me after that, so we decided to stop by Kroger on the way home and pick up some food and I was going to get some candy to get my blood sugar back up pretty quickly.

We stopped and got everything without incident. My aunt wanted to get some Mike's hard lemonade to see how she liked it since I said I'd take it if she didn't. We go to check out and the cashier cards me too since I was with her. She makes the comment of my name being unusual, but I didn't really think anything of it. She gets her stuff, I pay for mine, and as she's handing me the receipt she says have a good night sir. Cue finger nails on the chalkboard in my head, and I said nothing and just walked away rather stunned. I wasn't sure whether to be depressed or angry, I was kind of both at the same time. Depressed that I'd just been outed by my ID to a cashier at a store I go to frequently, and angry at the state of VA for making it so I can't change the gender marker on my ID without proof of surgery. That one word proved my fears of showing my ID that I've had all along true, people will see the big fucking M. I can't be angry at her, it was obvious she wasn't doing it to be mean. She probably noticed the M and said it for sake of thinking she was being polite. It's still so disheartening to have something like that happen after I've been at this for so long now. I'm writing a second post, as there's just too much from this one day to fit in one post.


Nicky said...

that's rough. sorry to hear that. ):

Anonymous said...

Nice observation in the last few sentences about her just wanting to be polite. I've had that happen too. It just baffles me. I sort of feel like they believe I'm going to be mad if they don't say sir. Still it always leaves me flushed, pissy and a little sad.