It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Changing Therapists

I saw my psychologist last week and talked to her about the SSI stuff. The conversation left me less than pleased with the way she handled things. I brought up the fact that my anxiety could possibly be bad enough to have been preventing me from working. All she really told me was that she would write a recommendation whenever they asked for records. Then later on in the conversation she goes on about how she doesn't think I'm disabled that the situations I've lived in were disabling to me. She pretty much told me don't count on getting on SSI. That pisses me off. She dismissed my concerns that I've been bringing up ever since starting to see her in July of 09. It's like she doesn't even stop to think that possibly living in conditions that were disabling to me could have left me with some issues that are potentially disabling themselves. I can't help it that I grew up with a family that sheltered me too much and didn't push me to better myself more. I can't help it that I inherited my anxiety problems from my mother. She didn't even stop to consider that my entire life up until I left that godforsaken town was disabling to me. It's left me quite a ways behind most other people my age.

I'm in a place now where if it were an environmental issue it would have resolved itself by now. I've been here since September and I'm making extremely slow progress at best. She doesn't seem to get that it's not as simple as walking down the street and filling out an application anymore to get work. Near the end of the visit we talked about trying to find a new therapist that was closer to where I'm at now. I'm thinking I may try to do that, although I do plan to go back at least one or two more times. I just think I've gotten all I can from her. I hate having to stop seeing her, but it's too far to go for the minimal amount of help I'm getting from her right now. I saw that the free clinic offers mental health services, so I'm going to look into what exactly that entails at some point. If there's a way I can go see someone there once a month as opposed to going an hour away and having to pay I'll take it.

I haven't heard a damn thing out of social security yet, and I'm at the point where I think it's probably a lost cause. My psychologist doesn't seem to want to be that helpful with me getting it, so if I don't have her on my side then there's no point. Voc rehab is my best hope at this point, which isn't saying much. My next move is do it the old fashion way and ask if places are hiring and look online and just put applications in until I get something or run out of places to apply to.

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