It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Another Step in the Right Direction

I drove yesterday for the first time since 2003, and I can thank Stef for pushing me to do it. I did a lot better than I expected to, and actually kind of enjoyed it a bit once I got used to it. She managed to do something no one has ever been able to do with me, make me feel calm and relaxed enough to try again. I don't know what exactly did it, but somehow my anxiety didn't get in the way this time. Honestly, it's probably because for once I have someone encouraging me and pushing me a bit to do it. Also the fact that she told me about small little things that would help me and didn't force too much on me at once helped.

We went down the street to this church parking lot since it was kind of big and empty. I started there and sort of got the feel for things a bit. Some people started showing up and parking and stuff and I decided that I'd rather go somewhere else since it made me a little nervous. We went to a school parking lot that was about half the size of the first one, but that actually turned out to be a good thing. What scared me the most was turning and tight spaces, so it gave me the chance to practice that a bit and get comfortable with it. I did way better than even I though I would do. I only just scuffed the tire on the curb once when I turned a little too tight, otherwise I did fine. She had me practice parking a little too while we were there. Mostly just pulling in and out of spaces and backing in too.

I got to spend around an hour or so behind the wheel driving around, so it was a good experience for me. I got a lot more comfortable being behind the wheel and getting the feel for things. I'm at a point where I feel like I can keep going and learn. Until now no one it seems has had enough faith in me to make me believe I could do it, one more reason I know that being with Stef is a good thing for me. It's going to take some time and patience, and a lot more practice, but I'm hopeful that in time I'll get it. I'm nowhere near confident enough to get out on the road yet, but I finally have the confidence in myself to keep at it until I feel like I am.

It's embarrassing to say that I'm 23 and just now learning to drive, but at least I'm finally getting there. It's just the first step, but hopefully the first of many that I'll take. I'm getting there, and I won't stop until I do.


Sky said...

:) congrats!
i dont think Ive ever commented but good job! Im proud of you =]

Squee said...

Sage, I didnt get my lisence until i was 24. You're in good company. Keep practicing, and you'll be fine!

Melissa said...

Congratulations, Sage! Keep at it. Before you know it, it will be second nature to you.

I didn't learn to drive until was nearly 21. I was in the Army at the time, and learned to drive in a "deuce and a half " (2 1/2 ton truck)!

Melissa XX