It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Friday, August 20, 2010

A Little Progress

It’s been a busy week for me this week. Since Monday I’ve gotten my meds refilled, had 2 doctors appointments and a psychologist appointment and did my grocery shopping. My doctor had taken me off of my blood pressure meds that my hormone doctor had put me on since she thought it was making it drop too low. She switched me over to a beta blocker that’s supposed to help with my heart rate more than anything. It was working alright but she upped my dosage a bit since it was still just a little high. I also had her take a look at a cyst that I had on the back of my neck for as long as I can remember. I wanted to get it removed, which luckily she said she was able to do for me. I went to have that done yesterday and everything went really well actually. I found out that after just 2 days on the higher dosage of the beta blocker my heart rate looked perfect, so there’s one less worry on my mind. The procedure to remove the cyst went pretty well too, wasn’t overly painful and just felt really weird more than anything. She said it didn’t seem to be infected at all and that it closed up pretty well when she stitched it. She put me on some anti biotics to take for 10 days until the stitches come out just to be on the safe side. Aside from a little pain that a couple of ibuprofen every now and then are keeping under control I’m doing pretty well.

Yesterday was also one of those days where I’m glad that I’m open about myself with people. My doctor and my nurses were joking with me about different things I guess to keep my mind off the fact that someone is cutting into my neck. At one point I just came out and said it’s ok if it hurts a little since I’m a masochist, which I think surprised them a little. Then again I do have chain linked around both of my wrists, so I guess that probably answered a question they all had but didn’t want to ask. I was stretching me legs out a little right before they stitched me up and they were telling me I could a bit more if I wanted to; I told them that was nothing after sitting in the same position for 3 hours to get a tattoo leaning against the back of a chair. Which made everyone want to see it and in the end they’re all telling me they love it when I come. I told them I seem to have that effect on people.

I’m taking it easy with the painting for a few days just to give myself time to heal a little without jerking my arms and neck around too much. Well ok it’s hard to sit and do nothing so I’m getting back to it tomorrow since I had one nearly finished that just needs some light work done on it. That’s about it for now.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Trying to Get By

It’s been a while since I wrote anything, I know, I’ve had a lot of stuff keeping me busy lately. I’m still working on my art related projects in hopes of getting my work out there, which is progressing as slowly as always. I did meet another trans girl a couple of weeks ago who I’ve been talking to quite frequently ever since. She’s an artist too, so she’s given me a bit of inspiration in my work recently. I guess it’s also just nice to be able to talk to someone about art related stuff and have them know what I’m talking about. There is also definitely an attraction to each other too, and I guess at this point we’re just seeing where that leads us. I don’t want to say too much on here since I’m not sure how much she would be comfortable with me saying.

Aside from that I stayed at my aunt’s house for about a week until last Thursday. They helped me get a business license so I stand a good chance of possibly getting permission to sell stuff at the VA hospital and anywhere else I need a license to sell. They also helped me get some more art supplies. I came home with 10 16x20 canvases and a glass painting kit. I think I’m pretty well stocked up at this point; I just need to get stuff produced and ready to either show a gallery or outright sell to someone. I need to make friends with a gallery owner or someone that’s in close with one or something. I’m sure if I hang around the right places it’s possible it could happen.

On another note my aunt found out about how my grandparents treat me and talk to me and said that if it got to be too much or they kicked me out that I have a place to live. So that might be the break I’ve been looking for. If I can get out of this town I’m in now and closer to Richmond it will seriously increase my chances of getting some people interested in my art. I’ve delved into some more abstract styles lately, so I guess we’ll see how that goes. I have to balance out my own ideas with what’s going to sell to your average person. I want enough to sell and make some decent money, but I also want a body work to take to a gallery for consideration that’s got more behind the image than “that’s pretty”.

I want to make people think with my art, and I love doing pieces that provoke a reaction both good and bad. I’m all for doing art that anyone can understand the meaning behind, but at the same time I have a desire to create some more some more abstract concept pieces that are more difficult to interpret. I did my first abstract expressionist pieces the other day in hopes of seeing how I liked it. I did something rather Mondrian reminiscent but made it my own at the same time with primary colors. My original goal was just to do something different with primary colors, but it turned into something more once I got going with it. Anyone can draw or paint a picture that shows how they feel, I went full out non objective and let the colors and the way they fell on the canvas do the talking. There was this certain sense of release I got when it was done, and I know I’ve done my best when I feel that way.

I guess that’s really about all there is to say for now; I’m just doing what I can and letting things in my life play out however they decide to go. Aside from a few restrictions I’m going where ever the wind blows me, so to speak. I just hope it’s in a good direction. I’m hoping to make use of some of my recent inspiration and do great things with it. I’m going to take some risks, but I’ll never get anywhere without taking one. I also plan on updating a little more frequently again or at least try to when things aren’t too hectic.