It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Planning and Thinking

I've decided to hold off on trying to figure out the insurance stuff until next week. I want to talk to my therapist about things before I go trying to make appointments and saying I'm ready for surgery. I need her help regardless if I want my letter, so I think it's best to bring my grandparents in with me next time. They're the policy holders, so I need their help as well to get this done. It's not a sure thing whether this will work out or not, but I have to at least try. I'll be kicking myself later if I don't, the worst they can say is no. A friend of mine asked me last night if I was excited about it, but I can't say I'm excited yet. I'm nervous more than anything, because there is a good chance they're not going to cover it. For all I know I may be the first person to ever attempt to get this company to pay for SRS. They only deemed it medically necessary at the end of last month, so I may have a lot working against me. I'll be excited after they say yes they'll cover it for me.

This week is mostly going to be about getting the food stamps application process over with. I've got as much of the form filled out as I can interpret myself, parts of it I'm going to have to wait until I go back and ask them to help me with. Surgery won't come fast anyway, right now this is the more immediate need. I've waited 3 years so far for surgery, another week won't kill me. I'm not looking forward to having to out myself, but I don't have much of a choice if I want it to even have a chance of happening. For the first time earlier today the thought crossed my mind asking if I'm sure I'm really ready for surgery. I'm not holding my breath on it going through and happening, but I know I'm going to be a bit scared if it does. Once it's done it's done, I can't change my mind later. I know it's what I want, but I guess if I'm not having second thoughts I don't really know what I'm doing.

If full SRS can be taken care of and not still cost me a ton of money I'll go for that, if not I'll go for an orchiectomy. I need to do what my finances dictate right now. I'm worried about not being able to get SRS later if I have an orchi, but I think Dr. McGinn will still do it if you have one first. She does them for people that aren't able to get SRS for a while because of finances, so I'm assuming that means she will do it later. That's something I need to make a phone call to find out. I don't know where this is going to take me, all I know is I have to try. The worst that can happen is nothing, so I stand only to gain something by trying.

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