It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

New Old Stuff (flashback)

I've decided to start posting some of my old journal entries. I'm starting with the very first one I ever made about being TG up until right before I started my blog. I had another blog at the time, so I'm copying and pasting a lot. I got the idea from Amy when I noticed her posting some of her old blogs. I had the idea a while back actually, I just never got around to doing it until now. Anyway, here's the very first journal entry I ever made about trying to figure things out.

April 26, 2006
"I'm very confused right now. I've been looking up stuff about crossdressing and I'm not sure what to do. Ever since I was like 7 I've been putting on girls clothes at every chance I get. Now if I open a checking account I can buy anything I want online. I want to get at least a couple things from a cool site I found. I'm just worried that I'm not making the right choice. I thought about getting the hormones from that site, but reading about what they do down there kind of makes me think twice about it. I read more on it and at least I know there are other people out there like me. If anything I know I can do it every so often. Some of the stuff on that site isn't too expensive, and I can afford it. I don't know, clothes if nothing else are a safe way to go with. I just don't know if I'm going to always feel like this or not. I love Angel, and I'm not sure what she would say about it if I ever tell her. I've just been getting urges to dress like that again. I'm not sure if it's just a fetish or something serious. I'd like to get a few things at least to play around with. I guess it's more of a fetish than any real reason to do anything drastic. Oh well I guess I'll just have to do what feels right and hope it all comes out ok. I guess at least it's a good thing to experiment a little."

I started out thinking that it was all just crossdressing, but even then I had the feeling that I may want to take it farther. I was worried above everything else at the time what my girlfriend would think. I had already been looking into things for a little while by the time I wrote this, so I had a good idea of what options were available to me. I wrote this in a notebook because I was still scared as hell about anyone finding out before I was ready. I had never told a single person about myself when I wrote this, aside from making mention to an ex that I had crossdressed a few times in the past. I've come a long way since I wrote this, and I'm still glad I chose the path I eventually did. I'm going to be posting these up every now and then and labeling them as flashback posts.

1 comment:

Ryan said...

Everyone that I've met who is trans has had feelings going back as far as pre-adolescences. For me I knew something was different about me at age four. I've always had a feeling that I was trans and I'm happy and proud to finally be in transition and being who I really am and was meant to be. I think that by you posting what you are going through will hopefully prove to people that we are normal people and not freaks, head cases, sexual perverts, or anything else they want to call us that we aren't.