It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Interview + (flashback)

I had my food stamps interview today and it went pretty well. The TG issue never actually came up, so I'm considering that a good thing. It was mostly just going over the paperwork I had turned in the other day and making sure I understood how things worked. It was relatively uneventful, I qualified for it and I should get my card in the mail within 30 days. There isn't much else to day about it really. I'm hoping I can use this as a first step towards being more self reliant and getting out on my own. I probably won't get much more than 200 a month, but I guess that's enough to live off of if I spend wisely whenever I get my own place.

Since I really don't have much else to talk about tonight I'm making the rest of the post a flashback one. I'm putting up two journal entries this time since they were both rather short and written within a day of each other.

"I found a transgender message board today at school and joined. I don't know how helpful it'll be, but I have to talk to other people like this someway. I need advice on what to do about this. I haven't been doing it as often, but only because I don't have much to use. I'm scared to go out and buy anything myself. I want to tell Angel so bad, but I don't know how she'll take it."
April 28, 2006

"Well I told my friend Megan about this today, and she at least was open and accepting of it. I've got to tell Angel whether she likes it or not, it's part of me and she has to know. I really like the forum I found, everyone there is so nice and willing to talk. They're all so open about things; I can only hope that one day I can be that open with this. It's hard figuring something like this out. I guess I want to be completely sure that this is enough of a part of me that she needs to know. Oh well, I guess I can't ignore this."
April 29, 2006

It was my senior year of high school when I first started exploring my options. I was still hoping it was nothing more than crossdressing. I used a lot of the free time I had in slack classes to use the school laptops to look up information without my family knowing. There was a lot less monitoring of individual students computer use back then, so I could just grab any latop and use it when I had the time. I wasn't sure whether to tell my girlfriend, so I came out to a friend or two at a time just to test the waters a bit. At the time I was still mostly in the closet, so finding a message board so I could talk to people was a big deal to me. I guess I can say that was the start of my trying to be open about myself, or at least my realization that I wanted to be one day. I was confused as hell at the time about what was going on with me. I had purged my collection of clothes a few years before and only had one or two things left. I was way too scared to attempt to shop for anything on my own yet.

1 comment:

Ryan said...

That sounds like how I've been in the past about my transition. I know one thing that I will no longer live a lie. If people in my life can't accept me I have to make them understand and not go back to my birth gender. I've made others happy for too long it's time to be myself and finally be happy. Talking to you tonight Sage about things you realized that I am TG cause of what I said to you. Finally someone gets it!