It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Figuring Things Out (Flashback Post)

There isn't much to talk about tonight, so I'll leave you with another flashback post.

May 3, 2006
"I told her, finally, and damn am I relieved, she was ok with it! I told her on the 30th, I just haven't had time to write since then. I shaved my legs for the first time today, and I'm pretty happy with it. It feels kind of weird right now, but I guess I'll get used to it. I love how they feel, so I think I'll keep them this way."

May 15, 2006
"I've got to watch that movie on the 19th. There's just been so many signs today, like I'm being told don't forget it. I don't know, I'm scared, this is all just so new to me. I can never tell my grandparents. Why the hell does this torment me so damn much? I can't get to the store to get anything, and I can't order online. I'm being shown what's there and basically told I can't get it. I don't know, I want to be myself, but right now who am I? Am I a guy, or am I a girl?"

My girlfriend at the time ended up being ok with things when I told her. I did only come out as being a crossdresser, so I had a feeling things might go south if I should ever take it farther. I was just beginning to experiment with things and see what I liked and what I didn't. Shaving my legs was just something I could do without worrying about getting clothes or anything.

The movie I talked about was A Girl Like Me: The Gwen Araujo Story. I remember being at my aunt's house and seeing a commercial about it when I first heard about it. I went home and looked up some information about it and decided that I had to watch it. I had a feeling that somehow it may help me, but I've always had a thing for movies with some kind of gender variant character. I guess it being a true story made me want to see it even more. I was very conflicted at the time about being TG. I wasn't sure if I was happy with crossdressing or if I wanted to take things farther. I had done a lot of research at that point, so I had a very good idea of what I could do. I was just worried about losing my girlfriend since she had reacted badly to me mentioning the possibility of taking hormones.

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