It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I See a Phoenix

I finally got my appointment rescheduled today. I woke up at 9 to make sure I didn't miss a call back, decided to call the other person in charge a half hour later, and still didn't hear anything by noon. Finally, around 1:30 I got a call to confirm my appointment, and luckily they were able to take care of moving it to next week for me. They didn't have any spots open, so they just told me to show up between 6 and 8 and they would take me when they could. I may have to wait a while, but it's worth it. I still get to go, and with any luck the extra time might let me meet a few new people while I wait. I had to move my therapy appointment back a couple days next week too, so it looks everything is shifting around on me right now. Oh well, at least it all seems to be working out well. With any luck, next Tuesday I'll be headed to Richmond.

I came across a picture I took sometime last year and had set aside thinking it wasn't that great. I recently came across it when I was looking for a picture to use as the background for my title on here. I tried to take a picture of a bird with my sport shot, but obviously it didn't come out that great with a consumer grade camera. I had the idea to blow it up to full size and I had a nice silhouette, so I thought it fit pretty well. It gives a bit a freeing sense to me. I decided to go with a more neutral background color, just for sake of making things easier on the eyes to read. Even I was having trouble with getting a bit of a flash bulb effect from the white lettering on black. I may change things around again sometime soon, but for now I'm sticking with what I've got.

I also got a little work done today on my art after I got everything straightened out and calmed down. I drew up a rough sketch for another painting to represent recent events. I've decided to go with a more abstract design than my last few paintings. Oh yeah, talking about art reminds me of another picture I found while I was looking for the bird picture. I took some pictures of clouds last year that I thought looked interesting, and it wasn't until lately that I noticed a particularly interesting looking one. Here's a copy of it, I'm interested to see what other people's opinions are of it.

So what do you see? Personally it reminds me of a phoenix, only in cloud form. I love the little touch of a rainbow effect you can see down near the bottom left corner. As much as I enjoy doing the alternative modeling photography, it's shots like this that make nature my favorite subject. Of all symbols, the phoenix is still my favorite metaphor for transitioning. It reminds of the person I used to be, and the much better and happier person I've become. I've got a long ways to go yet, but I can confidently say that I've risen from the ashes of what my life was before transition; now I'm building it up into something better.


Amy K. said...

Woah, how odd! Here I just wrote a blog entry about getting a phoenix tattoo! Coincidence, or good omen?

I can see how it might be a phoenix... sorta. I just can't work out where the head would be.

I loved what you wrote about rebirth, and rising from the ashes of your old self. The phoenix has always fascinated me, and it so fits folks like us. :)

Melissa said...

The new colors are a big improvement, Sage. Much easier on the eyes. The light gray background you experimented with was good too.

Yes, I can see the Phoenix in that cloud, too! Cool!

@ Amy

I see a head. It's between the two flapping wings, and kind of overlaps part of the wing on the left. There is even an eye.

Melissa XX