About:

It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Thoughts on Transphobia

After some of my experiences lately I think a post on transphobia is exactly what tonight's post calls for. Who better to use for example quotes than the good ole Traditional Values Coalition. They're running a little campaign that opposes ENDA, and quite honestly some of this is laughable. I'll let you be the judge. I seem to have a stalker currently that's coming off as highly transphobic, so I may throw in a few comparison quotes here and there too.

The TVC says: "Do you want men dressed as women teaching your kids?"

My response: I had no clue we were all men in dresses that teach children. I think they forgot about Female to Male trans-people too, seeing as that's the title on their ENDA hurts kids website.

The TVC says: "Under the so-called, Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), your children will be trapped in classes taught by drag queens and transgender activists."

My response: If only you could see my face when I read this. I'll give you a hint, an eyebrow was definitely raised. I then proceeded to laugh until I was red in the face. After I settled down, I thought about this quote. Have they turned classrooms into prison cells now? Do they have bars on the windows and locks that only open from the outside? I don't seem to remember that from my days in school. I also didn't know that drag queens taught at schools. I thought their thing was performing at shows, hence the term "drag queen". I don't know about you, but I've never met a drag queen who wanted to walk into a school and teach children in drag.

The TVC says: "Students will be indoctrinated that “alternative lifestyles” are no different than traditional lifestyles. Young children will be forced to learn about bizarre sexual fetishes"

My response: Wow, has sex Ed really made that big of a leap forward in the 4 years since I graduated high school? I didn't know it was possible to teach anyone a sexual fetish, that must be one of those new advances in electronics or something. I wonder if they could have taught me how to not be lesbian too.

The TVC says: "The Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) is the lesbian, gay, and transgender movement’s “holy grail.” It is prized precisely because it will foist the LGBT agenda into our public schools as a federally-protected right."

My response: We have an agenda? Oh shit, I really need to get on the ball and find out where to get a copy of that.

The TVC says: "A person can have a so-called sex change operation, but their DNA is unchanged. Maleness and femaleness are in the DNA of a person. No one can truly change from one sex to another."

My response: That seems to go against all the studies I've read about which prove exactly the opposite. I'm curious as to how they would explain why many trans women have been proven to have brains that more closely resemble female than male. Also what is their explanation for a number of different animals and organisms that can actually change their physical sex at will? Is it the work of the devil. or do we just fake it? I really want to see their proof that maleness and femaleness are solely determained by DNA.

The TVC says: "If ENDA becomes the law of the land, she-males will become teachers."

My response: You mean those trans girls that do porn on the internet? I thought that was their job, not teaching. I also had no clue that every trans person in the world wanted to be a teacher. I wonder if that's something you want after a certain amount of time on hormones, or if it comes after surgery. I haven't experienced that desire yet.

My stalker says- "so i guess your goal in life is to be known as a crossdresser, drag queen or a man in womans clothes for the rest of your life? because ya know thats the only way TG people will be seen by the majority of the public, and if you think you can change that.. your nuts."

My conclusions to all of this: Some may see the words of this organization as proof that trans people will never be seen as anything more than crossdressers and sexual deviants, but I don't. I see it as proof that a number of transphobic people are trying to infringe on our civil rights. They make outlandish claims which they can't back up with proof, and outright lie about many things as well. This is something I'm not surprised to hear from right wing conservatives that fear having to learn to tolerate LGBT people. Honestly, I say they need to suck it up and get over themselves.

I am, however, surprised to hear some of the same things from the trans girl that's currently stalking me. I guess it proves that even one of us can become intolerant and bitter after going stealth. It's something I knew existed, but was shocked to actually run into. I am open about myself online, and I do it for sake of helping others like me. I do it in the hopes that I may inspire other trans people to not be ashamed of being trans, as it is obvious that this person is. It's just such an attitude that I feel provokes feelings of transphobia in many people. Choosing to be stealth is one thing, but doing so and then turning on people in the exact same situation and telling them to do so as well goes too far. It creates a climate of fear and paranoia that many non trans people see as our desire to trick or fool them.

Some people have good reasons for being stealth, but doing so simply because you think that everyone will hate you, pass you over for jobs, or hunt you down and kill you, isn't the best way to go. I've found that many times people are far more accepting than I expected. Transphobia is rooted in the beliefs that trans people are something to be feared, mocked, or gawked at like a sideshow. If not for those of us that choose to be open about ourselves and fight for our rights, then that is what most of society would still see us as. I hope this person remembers that the next time she gets a refill on her hormones. If not for those trans people who chose to stand up and say we refuse to be treated as second class citizens, she may never have been able to transition.

Take what I say how you will. I in no way look down on those who choose to go stealth, I just choose to fight transphobia by being the change I want to see in the world. I prove every single claim by the TVC wrong simply by being myself. So that's all I have to say for now, and happy Beltain to anyone out there of the Wiccan persuasion.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Keeping Myself Entertained

There isn’t a whole lot to really talk about that’s going on lately. I’m working on taking pictures every day that I have decent weather and light for it. The modeling work with my friend isn’t moving forward as fast as I expected, so I’m sticking with my staple work for now. Modeling shots are easy as hell compared to shooting insects or animals. People usually cooperate; bees and butterflies on the other hand never stop moving. I’ve still managed to get a few that aren’t too bad. I’m always in search of that perfect shot, so I’ll go out every day shooting hundreds of blurred and over exposed shots in order to by chance pull off a flawless looking one if that’s what it takes. It payed off pretty well last year for me, with any luck this year will too. I may have a portfolio worthy shot of a little hummingbird moth. I still need to sort through them all, but I may post a few on here later.

There isn’t much else too noteworthy to mention. I’m thinking I’ll probably record a few more videos for youtube at some point and just post them all at once when I get the chance. It gives me something to do in my free time at least. I think that’s about it, things have been pretty dull around here lately. I think I may have to come up with writing topics again.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I Hate Waiting

I didn't get the chance to upload that video tonight, unfortunately. We decided to go to starbucks instead of Barns and Noble, then I found out you have to buy some kind of card or something to use their wifi. I wasn't that desperate, so I'll wait until I can go somewhere and park next to a hotel and do it. Things went pretty well with my doctors appointment, it looks like my heart is fine. My pulse was a little fast, but I was a bit nervous, otherwise everything looked good. My doctor messed up one of my prescriptions afterwards though. She wrote it for 120 1mg estrogen pills instead of just making it 60 2mg pills instead. I had to sit there in the waiting room for almost half an hour waiting for her to fix it and bring me a new one. My friend and I decided to go to Applebees afterwards, which was great until we finished eating. We asked for boxs to take what we couldn't eat home in, which you think would have given the waitress the idea that we were ready to pay and leave. She disappeared for 15 minutes before she came back and we asked for the bill, then she sat there talking to someone right in front of us for at least 10 more minutes before she finally walked over and picked up the bill. I swear, it's like everyone wanted to make me wait tonight. People frustrate me, but at least everything turned out to be fine with my heart. I got starbucks and food from Applebees also, so it wasn't a bad night aside from the annoyance of waiting.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Slow Week

Not a lot has really been going on since I last posted, so I guess I’m just looking for an excuse to keep writing for now. I have my appointment at the clinic tomorrow night, which as it looks should go as planned this time. I’m just not looking forward to that cardiogram. I know it’s just to check things out, end my doctor even said it’s probably nothing to worry about, but you know how it is. There’s always that thought in the back of your head of what if. I’m trying not to dwell on that though.

I actually decided to make a video today for youtube for the first time since 08. I don’t have a regular high speed connection, but with the laptop I can at least take it to where I have a signal and upload a video if I want. If we have time tomorrow, I’m hoping we can stop by Barns and Noble for a little while before my appointment. I can get on there and upload it. It’s nothing big, just a video for the sake of keeping my channel alive. I doubt I’ll ever get into the habit of posting videos regularly, whether I have a high speed connection or not. I prefer writing a little more, I’m better at that than talking on camera. At least I have a better camera this time, so the video quality should be better also. If I don’t get it up tomorrow I will at some point, it’s not really a priority.

I changed the background color back to the light grey, the other color made things look a little too easter egg like as far as the colors on here go. I think I’ve finally got the layout finalized for a while now. I also added a resource page, I already had everthing up on my TG board on vampirefreaks. I thought I'd add them on here to give any one that needs it a little help finding information. There isn’t really much else to talk about, it’s been a slow week so far. I should have more to talk about tomorrow with any luck.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Technology Problems

There hasn't been too much going on the last few days aside from a bit of computer trouble. If it isn't one thing stressing me out it's another, at least it seems that way. I was having problems with connecting to the internet after my computer downloaded some updates for windows. I had to spend a day using my laptop to get online, which sucked because it's slower than my desktop. I was desperate enough for help that I actually called Megan up at 4 in the morning, surprisingly I woke her up and she answered. I couldn't get any help out of her though; all she would tell me was that she didn't know what was wrong. I asked if she would call me back later in the day or pick up if I called, all she would say was she didn't know. Apparently that meant no, seeing as she never did pick up the 2 times I called that day. She also told me that she had kicked Amy out that night, apparently that’s why she picked up; she thought it was her calling. I guess I'm more surprised that it was actually a calm and non insulting conversation. I still wish I knew what happened to the person I knew for 7 months before we dated though.

I'm no good when it comes to computers, cameras and anything art related I know my way around pretty well, but I'm lost half the time when it comes to computers. She is really the only friend (at least I still consider her such) I have that knows how to do a lot with them. I at least got a bit of help from a new friend of mine, even if it was mostly just talking to me on the phone while I tried to fix the problem myself. I actually got a lot of help from one of my favorite aunts; she knows her way around a computer pretty well and stayed up half the night on the phone with me trying to get things fixed. As it looks now, I think everything is fixed, but only time will tell.

I realized earlier that yesterday was the national day of silence. I know it's pretty much just a high school or college thing, but after some of the things that have gone on lately I guess it hits home for me. I've been criticized a lot over the past month, even going so far as to make fun of my openness about being TS. It's just such things that the day of silence is meant to bring attention to. Nothing I can say is anything that hasn't been said many times before, and by many people. All I have to say to anyone that sees fit to ridicule or debase LGBT people is, be careful who you decide to cut down so quickly and carelessly. One day that same person may be in a position to either help or hurt you, and then the outcome is you own fault.

To the people that have come after me personally; you can call me a transvestite, crossdresser, or tell me that transgender people will never be taken seriously because of the public’s views of us. Those views are changing, all be it slowly, we are making progress. The only time any of those insults become true is when I give up and allow them to be. I don’t regret being open about myself, I’ve found acceptance in some of the most unlikely places, and that has made it worth all the bad experiences. I’m happy with myself and no insults or anything anyone says against me can take that away.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I See a Phoenix

I finally got my appointment rescheduled today. I woke up at 9 to make sure I didn't miss a call back, decided to call the other person in charge a half hour later, and still didn't hear anything by noon. Finally, around 1:30 I got a call to confirm my appointment, and luckily they were able to take care of moving it to next week for me. They didn't have any spots open, so they just told me to show up between 6 and 8 and they would take me when they could. I may have to wait a while, but it's worth it. I still get to go, and with any luck the extra time might let me meet a few new people while I wait. I had to move my therapy appointment back a couple days next week too, so it looks everything is shifting around on me right now. Oh well, at least it all seems to be working out well. With any luck, next Tuesday I'll be headed to Richmond.

I came across a picture I took sometime last year and had set aside thinking it wasn't that great. I recently came across it when I was looking for a picture to use as the background for my title on here. I tried to take a picture of a bird with my sport shot, but obviously it didn't come out that great with a consumer grade camera. I had the idea to blow it up to full size and I had a nice silhouette, so I thought it fit pretty well. It gives a bit a freeing sense to me. I decided to go with a more neutral background color, just for sake of making things easier on the eyes to read. Even I was having trouble with getting a bit of a flash bulb effect from the white lettering on black. I may change things around again sometime soon, but for now I'm sticking with what I've got.

I also got a little work done today on my art after I got everything straightened out and calmed down. I drew up a rough sketch for another painting to represent recent events. I've decided to go with a more abstract design than my last few paintings. Oh yeah, talking about art reminds me of another picture I found while I was looking for the bird picture. I took some pictures of clouds last year that I thought looked interesting, and it wasn't until lately that I noticed a particularly interesting looking one. Here's a copy of it, I'm interested to see what other people's opinions are of it.

So what do you see? Personally it reminds me of a phoenix, only in cloud form. I love the little touch of a rainbow effect you can see down near the bottom left corner. As much as I enjoy doing the alternative modeling photography, it's shots like this that make nature my favorite subject. Of all symbols, the phoenix is still my favorite metaphor for transitioning. It reminds of the person I used to be, and the much better and happier person I've become. I've got a long ways to go yet, but I can confidently say that I've risen from the ashes of what my life was before transition; now I'm building it up into something better.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

New Projects and Changes

I’m thinking of making a few changes to how the blog looks. I’ve had the same layout for a couple of years now, so I think it’s time to change things up a little. I’ve already changed a few descriptions and letter styles and stuff, but I think a bit of a re vamp is in order. I’m putting recent events behind me and moving on as well as possible, so I guess in a way it’s another new beginning for me. I’m over all the drama from the last couple of months; it’s time to focus on other things. I need to pay more attention to my TG board over on vampirefreaks. My staff has things covered for the most part, but I’m starting to miss those guys a bit. It’s not a job, but it’s something I enjoy doing.

I’m hearing that ENDA should be coming up for a vote in the house before long. It’s about time, but I’m still curious as to what they’re going to try to pull this time to stall it again. I guess I can join the ranks of pissed off people and bitch at the brick wall that is congress. Well, I guess to get anything through it you have to take the proverbial sledge hammer to the brick wall. I’ve already sent emails, put my name on petitions and everything, so I guess at this point all I can do is wait and hope like everyone else. It’s funny, I never even got a response from my congressman, then again he’s republican and opposes ENDA. I get the feeling that nothing I can say is going to sway the right wing conservative that this district, in its infinite wisdom, decided to elect. Whatever happened to moderates?

I’ve also started a new painting. Nothing special, I took a picture of a peach blossom the other day and thought it would make an interesting painting. It’s a change from my focus earlier in the year, but I need a side project to occupy myself with a bit while I work on my people painting skills. Hell, I need something to occupy myself with period. Oh well, it’s spring, so maybe I’ll go out and try to take some more pictures, with any luck I might get something portfolio worthy.

I just found out last night that my friend that was supposed to take me to my clinic appointment on Tuesday couldn’t get the day off from work. So now I have to go through the frustrating process of calling a free clinic to attempt to reschedule. It’s even more frustrating that all she can tell me about when she’s free is pick a day and she’ll see if it works. That’s just lovely, I love making appointments and moving it around two or three times before it actually happens. Yeah, that was sarcasm if you didn’t catch it. I hope I can get it in sometime in the next couple of weeks. I’m not too worried though, I’ve still got prescriptions from last time that haven’t been filled yet, so I’m good on meds for at least 3 months, maybe 4. So that takes a bit of worry out of the situation. It’s that damn cardiogram that has me worried, so I guess this stalls the inevitable for a while longer.

I think that’s about all that’s really going on in my neck of the woods. Kind of boring isn’t it? I did get asked to perform the handfasting (pagan form of a wedding) for a friend of mine and her girlfriend sometime in the future. I guess that’s a bit more exciting than the usual. Of course I get asked to perform one before I have one of my own, but oh well, I’ve made the commitment to being a high priestess. It just comes with the territory. She’s a good friend and I’d be more than happy to, it’s going to be a while, so there’s no rush. I’m honestly shocked she asked me, but I guess that means I’ve got a good reputation.

Ok, maybe there’s more going on than I realized when I started writing this. Oh well, it keeps life interesting. The second it stops being interesting I always have to find something to make it that way anyway, so it’s less work for me when it finds me first.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Hate Within the TG Community II

Thus my point is proven. I caught this comment last night just in time to grab it for an example too.

“dude, you are completely nuts. I live in the real world, where people mind their own business and if they dont, they get shit for it. Maybe you should stop living in this fantasy world where people hold hands and lick each others butts. It dont exist it never will. By your logic i should be nice to every white person out there because they are white like me. Thats bull and you know it. In no way will i ever just be nice to someone because they are trans, that dont matter to me. a human is a human is a human.. and out in the real world we live by certain unspoken manners that we all live by. Atleast DECENT people live like this. The rest, like you, go on thinking they can say whatever they want about other people and feel its justified. I think your Ego owns you. Post this whore. (Anonymous) 11:29 PM”

My response to this is? Firstly, I live in the real world as well. I live in a world where people mind their own business until someone else goes out of their way to assault mine. When that happens, it is my business, especially if it’s getting sent to my blog. Stop putting your “business” on my blog or sending it to my phone if you don’t want it written about, and stop reading if you don’t like what I have to say. I don't like what neo nazis have to say, so I don't go to their websites, thus I don't leave hate mail, I simply avoid them. It's a pretty simple concept to grasp, easy too. You simply don't look at my blog, your personal problem is solved, you can go on thinking whatever you want about me.

Secondly, my logic is the same as anyone with an ounce of common sense. If you treat people well they’ll stand behind you in tough times. Make allies not enemies. An eye for an eye just leaves the whole world blind. Society will never be perfect, that is correct, but I am a person that seeks to better it in some way. The trans community has better things to do for itself than infighting. ENDA is still stuck in congress, trans people are still being murdered and discriminated against all the time, and transition is still not covered under most health insurances just to name a few. I’d say we have plenty of injustices to put our time and effort into righting, not insulting other people who are trying to do the same thing. If all trans people work together towards those common goals, we’ve got an army of people.

Finally, people like me believe in the first amendment, freedom of speech and everything, you know? So long as it’s not outright slander, I have a right to say it, and in this case someone else saved me the time and effort and said it for me. I just had to quote it. Who has the bigger ego, the one who goes out of their way to read a blog they don’t like only to leave insults, or the one that takes the deplorable actions of others and uses them as a teaching tool? You dear readers can be the judge of that. I am by no means perfect, nor do I seek to be perfect. I am a person that is as fallible as the next, but I am not afraid to admit when I am wrong and apologize if anything I have said or done hurt anyone.

This attempted comment is a shining example of the hate within the TG community I described last night. It’s shameful, and says a lot about this person. This is the kind of inner turmoil that is detrimental to our cause, and a bad reflection of our community to the world. It’s going to happen whether I like it or not, that I accept. I do, however, refuse to sit idly by and say nothing to bring it to the attention of the public. If for no other reason than to say not all of us are like this to those who know little to nothing about us. I would like to thank my readers for standing behind me during such a slanderous attack. I would also like to thank this person that has been leaving such hateful comments; they make great inspiration for my writing and harden my resolve. However, this is the last time I make such a post regarding this situation. After this post it will serve no purpose other than give this person the attention they seek. I have more important matters to attend to and write about than some bitter attention seeking hate monger.

Tears
I used to cry for what I didn't have,
until I realized others had far less than I.
I used to cry for what I lost,
until I realized others had lost far more than I.
now I cry for a world that is full of hate and pain,
a world it seems has gone mad.
I have cried for this much longer than the rest,
and it hurts me far more deeply.
now it seems as though I have come to an impasse.
I find myself no longer able to cry,
no longer able to shed those tears for the world.
what do you do when you run out of tears?

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."- Harvey Fierstein

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Hate Within the TG Community

Recent events have inspired me to write about something that isn't talked about often, hatred inside the TG community. Specifically I want to address the issue of non constructive criticism and harassment. Me and Megan have had our differences, but I for one see no reason that we can't all be civilized about it and put it behind us. Every member of the TG community should stand by the other, we're all ultimately moving towards the same goal. We do what we do in order to be our true selves, we want to be at peace with ourselves and find some level of acceptance in life. We're all on the same side when you break it down into black and white. We deserve to be treated equally under the law, we deserve to be ourselves, and we deserve to do what makes us happy in life. I like to think that I do my part to join in the fight for our civil rights, but I realize that I now must address this issue that I've come across as well. My point is, if we're all on the same side, why do we argue and fight amongst ourselves at times? Politics is easy to argue about, but to criticize other trans people about how they live their lives and even how they look seems childish and highly unproductive to our cause. I got some comments earlier today that exemplify what I'm talking about.

"since you have to approve this now you have to read this.. bahaha. Your really stupid and you dont realize that. Stop talking about megan, delete the shit she dont want on there. and guess what after you do that, she wont care anymore. you stupid troll. (Anonymous) 10:47 AM

Delete the shit about megan you half man half swamp rat looking troll. And you will be left alone. (Anonymous) 10:48 AM"

I know who these were from, and I know it's from another trans person. The situation with Megan has gone too far and then some. It upsets me to think of any trans person treating another in this way. We have so many things to put our time and effort into that can benefit us, yet some see fit to turn that time and effort into destructive and unhelpful things such as the above quotes. I find it shameful that something like this could happen, as it reflects badly on us as a whole. I support the right of everyone to do what makes them happy, and therefore I support the right of every trans person to do what makes them happy. We need to support each other, put petty differences aside and stand together. We may not always agree with the beliefs and choices of everyone in the trans community, but hate isn't the answer. I have a feeling that this isn't just isolated to my experiences. My question to my readers is, has anyone else experienced anything similar?

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Too Far

So the reason comments have to be approved before they show up now is thanks to Megan. She decided to comment spam my blog last night with rude comments, and was apparently laughing hysterically about it as she did. This was after the girl she’s seeing sent me a text message from Megan’s phone telling me I should kill myself. I try to make peace and this is what I get. I told her all I want is to make peace with all the misunderstandings we’ve had lately, admit my mistakes, apologize for them, and just put it behind us and be friends. I don’t like holding grudges, and I don’t like treating people badly, no matter how much they deserve it. They’re acting like children, and I’m not playing that game. If they don’t like what I write on my blog, they don’t have to read it. She even apparently hit the report abuse button on me, but like that worries me. They don’t like the fact that I mention them on here, yet they keep reading and they keep doing things to interfere with my life. I write about my life, if they don’t want to get mentioned they can leave me alone. This is the last time I try making peace with her, the offer stands but she has to take it. If she wanted to hurt me even more she did, I’m just glad I had a friend to talk to during it. She was one of my best friends before we dated; now she hates me for something I never did. On the plus side, I have an idea of a painting, one person holding out an olive branch as another lunges towards them with a dagger. That’s what I hate most about this world, 90% of it is people trying to hurt each other. It’s sad, and it’s the reason I like to help people. I don’t want to be a part of all the hate and pain that goes on in the world, I want to be at least one person that does my part to not continue that vicious cycle.

Monday, April 5, 2010

I Have A Clone?

I guess I can say things are looking up a bit for me since I last posted. Not so much life in general, but I did at least make a new friend. The funny and scary at the same time thing is we think so much alike we’ve taken to calling ourselves clones. I swear, every day we find something new we have in common, and very specific things too. I mean come on, how many other people out there would think a human skeleton would be nice to have around to play jokes with. A friend of mine introduced me to her, and I have to admit it’s nice to have someone to talk to that I get along so well with after the stuff with Megan. I had started to get that alone feeling again, but not quite as much now. I actually tried texting Megan yesterday to say that I still cared whether she spoke to me or not. Apparently she was with that girl and got her to text me back for her. That was interesting to say the least; I have no clue what she’s been told, but it sounds like a completely different story than the facts I know. Megan has her thinking that I did everything, so I guess to her that’s the absolute truth. Don’t even bother to confront me directly about it and get my side of things. I hate to bring this stuff back up, but something me and my new friend were talking about last night makes me feel like a rant. People need to think for themselves more. I have nothing at all against this girl, but because of whatever she’s been told I guess she doesn’t like me. That sounds oddly familiar, didn’t that happen in WWII out in the pacific when the natives would kill themselves because the Japanese told them the Americans would torture and kill them if captured. My point is don’t let yourself be spoon fed information, verify your sources and get second opinions. Go straight to the source when in doubt. In this situation, there’s about three opinions, and I guarantee that at least two of them will back each other up. I’m not trying to call anyone a liar or lay the blame on anyone either. I’m just so tired of this drama. I’m willing to admit my mistakes and apologize like a civilized person, and I’ve done that, it’s up to her to accept it or not. I also think I’m finally over the mono. I don’t know if it’s completely over yet, but the white spots in the back of my throat are gone and nothing hurts anymore. I’m not sure quite what to make of that after only 2 weeks, but I’ll take it. I’m just glad to be feeling better. If Megan or her friend read this she may want to get checked for mono too, seeing as I came down with it about a month after I got back from her place. I tried leaving her messages about it, but I got nothing in response. Aside from the distractions of a crumbling friendship, things haven’t been too bad the rest of the time. Amy actually re added to MySpace after Megan apparently made her delete me. I guess that means at least someone in that house trusts me when I say I had nothing to do with what happened. I have a new friend on top of that and I’m feeling much better, so let’s hope the future holds some more promise for me.