About:

It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Sigh

I wish I could say that I have something good to talk about this time, but I don't have much. Things with Megan and I seem to be getting worse. She has it in her head that there's some big dark mysterious reason that she had to date me and then leave me. She apologizes for hurting me and refuses to let me help with the DID. I even explained that I've spent hours looking up information about how to help with it because I care about her, she doesn't seem to think she has a problem. The way she's acting lately makes me wonder if I even want to stay friends with her. Me and her ex started talking and are actually pretty good friends now, and she won't let up about thinking that we have a thing for each other. She found out that her ex is attracted to me and that set it all off. I actually explained directly to her one night that I don't have feelings for her ex, that I still love her and only want her. I can't seem to get anything through to her lately. I do something last night that she saw as mildly flirtatious and she was fucking around on the phone about it saying mine about her ex. I don't know what the hell to think about it all anymore. She doesn't even seem like the same person I've known all this time. She's flirting with her ex and some other person, and then she barely talks to me anymore. She apparently wants me to come back and stay again next weekend, but it was her ex that had to first bring it up for it to happen. I got really pissed at her last night and said some stuff I wish I hadn't now, so I'm not really sure where things stand with us right now. I'm trying to at least be a good friend, but at the same time I'm trying to hold back how much I'm hurt by a lot of this. I still care about her, only now I'm starting to wish I didn't. I wish she could see that all I want to do is help her and make her happy, but I'm starting to wonder if she's too far gone. The DID symptoms couldn't be any more textbook than they are with her, and I dont even think she's telling her therapist the truth about everything. I don't know what to do, I don't even know if I should go see her again if she even still wants me to. I'm hurting like hell and it's like she doesn't even care.

1 comment:

Kei said...

Hi Sage...

I am.. Just like you... With similar life backgrounds....


Consider yourself lucky that you managed to start HRT early in life though :) Good luck with everything...