It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

The Good Things

Ok, I know I did more bitching than anything on here while I was at Megan's. Now I want to write about all the good stuff that happened. Things seem to have settled down with her ex and we're getting along, so I'm going to take that as a good sign for now. Valentines Day, the original purpose of me coming to see her, went pretty well. I think I wrote about this already, but I'm going to again, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself at all. It wasn't too bad, she took me out to eat at this Indian buffet since I said I never had Indian food and wanted to try it. We walked around and went to a few stores after that just kind of spending time together. We talked about making jewelry and selling it on eBay while we were looking at stuff in a craft store. We went to this little organic grocery store after that and she got these big chocolate chip cookies for us. We went and picked her mom up from work after that and went home. It wasn't anything too big and special, but it still meant a lot to me just to have some time alone with her. The bathroom was the only place at her house that we got any time alone together, but I think that proved to be fun for both of us. I'll spare the details, but I wasn't quite as uncomfortable with things as I thought I would be. I guess being with someone that feels the same about their body as I do helps even more than I expected it to. I think knowing each other for as long as we already have made things move that way a bit faster than I'm used to. We already know each others likes and dislikes, so it was all just a matter of getting comfortable with each other in person, which took all of an hour on the way to her house. We still managed to have a good time together, in spite of all the stress and bullshit going on around us. She took us all out to have Chinese Tuesday night, which was pretty good, even though I was still a bit stressed out from things the night before. I got to finally have some real sushi, not just the little rice and vegetable rolls. I found out I liked it more than I expected to. I like trying new things, even she wouldn't try the raw stuff, but I found out the tuna and salmon rolls were my favorites. I know it's a bit risky, but I actually let her give me one of her estrogen shots before I left Wednesday night. She got taken off of them by her doctor and has a bunch left still, and she offered to give me one to see if I liked them better than the pills. It also saves me a weeks worth of my estrogen pills, we worked out the dosage to match per day what I'm on. I was nervous about it, but it didn't hurt at all. About the worst that happened was my stomach felt upset the day after, but that's pretty normal. It was just a more concentrated dose than I'm used to, and I had the same thing happen for a while after I started the pills at first too. It lasted all of a day, so I'm not too worried. She offered to teach me how to give myself the shots when I come back, hopefully next week, and she would give me the rest of them. She's really sweet and nice if you can't tell. She gave me some of her progesterone pills too, to help round the boobs out a bit. This was just out of nowhere before I left, so it was like TG Christmas to me. I'm playing it safe with the meds though, I'm only using a small dosage of the progesterone. She knows what she's doing with the shots, so I trust her with giving them to me and teaching me how to do it for myself. I can't believe things actually went in the direction they did with us. I'll admit that for a while the whole MPD thing kind of scared me away from trying to go out with her. I guess knowing that I seem to be able to snap her back to reality and keep her grounded kind of softened my position on that. It still worries me, but I think if I was there with her all the time she'll be a lot more stable in the long run. I know it's only when she's really stressed and tired at the same time when the switching happens, so it helps to know what triggers it so I can help her avoid it. I just let myself finally have the feelings for her I knew were there trying to come out all along and I had tried to suppress. She's amazing as far as I'm concerned. She worked on my laptop while I was there and re did everything so that it runs a bit faster and has virus protection now, and wants me to bring my desktop next time so she can do the same with it. So far, I'm yet to find anything she can't do, so it makes me feel like I'm with someone that isn't afraid to do a little hard work. I guess I just feel more stable and secure with someone like that, something I never felt with my ex. We're alike in so many ways, but we have enough differences to make it to where we sort of complete each other. I don't know if I'm setting my hopes too high just yet or not, but I hope this lasts. As it stands now we have some rough times ahead of us still, but I have a good feeling about her. I love her, and I'd go through everything I did while I was there again, just to spend another week with her. Call me crazy, but then again I guess you can say me and her are both crazy as hell.

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