It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Good and Bad News

I finally got that packet to fill out for voc rehab in the mail on Tuesday, I've been working on getting it filled out. I'm hoping to finish it up tonight after letting my therapist go over it with me and get it mailed tomorrow. Hopfully they can help me find a job. It comes as kind of a small consolation after the weekend though. I finally got to hang out with my best friend for the first time in 2 months, but I'm starting to wonder if it's a good idea that I don't hang out with her that much anymore. Apparently her and her new boyfriend have been shoplifting like crazy and trying coke and aderall. I'm ashamed to say they tempted me enough to steal a couple of things myself Saturday night. What's even worse her boyfriend got caught trying to get a CD out of the package in an FYE that night, but luckily he paid for it and we left with no trouble. It was at that point where I decided I've had enough. The only times I've ever shoplifted is when it's something I really need, I can't afford to buy it, and it's not more than 10 dollars or so. Not to mention I'm not dumb enough to try to steal stuff with security tags on it. What really scares me is that I would have tried aderall and maybe even coke if I had stayed the night with them like was the original plan. I made up an excuse to go home that night because I didn't want to put myself in a situation like that. I'm disappointed in myself for even asking for any aderall, the only reason I didn't get any was because she didn't have it with her. I've been agonizing over this ever since, and as much as it hurts to say, I think me and her are about to go our seperate ways. I've got too much at stake to get involved with hard drug use and shoplifting. I'm disappointed in what I did and what I stood by and helped to happen. I can't hang out with friends that could potentially take me down with them when that stuff catches up to them. I sent her a message to say that I'm worried about her but that I'm always here for her. I don't know what's going to happen. All I know is I don't need to be hanging out around her with all of that stuff in the picture. I hope she learns her lesson soon, I just hope it doesn't kill her first. I don't want to go to another friend's funeral anytime soon.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

God knows I've let plenty of friends slip through the cracks. That can be rough, no matter how good or bad they are for you. Don't beat yourself up too much... be proud that you didn't, in fact, take any of the drugs. But I, for one, think you're better off cutting some people loose... and believe me when I say, that's advice I have to work very hard to remember every day (it can be even harder when it's someone you were in love with).