It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Saturday, November 28, 2009


Well, I guess I should write a bit about Thanksgiving, I know I'm a bit late doing it. Things actually went better than I was expecting them to. My mom and her boyfriend came down came down and picked me up Wednesday afternoon, and we went to my aunt's house and stayed the night. We had thanksgiving dinner together Thursday, it wasn't too eventful. I was talking to my aunt the night before about wanting to get a really good laptop to use to get my photo business off the ground. She mentioned that she had an old laptop that she didn't use anymore and that I could have it if I wanted it. I took the offer, obviously, it's only a Pentium 3 and has 27 gigs of memory, but it's a start. It does have a built in wireless card, so I can take it with me when I go anywhere and just connect to whatever signal I can pick up. Once I'm able to do that, I can download my photo editing program to it and then I'm set to work on the go. I can take my work with me anywhere I can take the laptop. I'm just so glad she decided to give it to me, it's not as good as my desktop, but it's enough to do the work until I can get something better. I want to customize one the Dell business grade laptops to have as much hard drive space, and the fastest processor they put in a laptop. That combined with a high resolution screen and good software should be enough to eventually get a business off the ground with. I've got my eye on a few good DSLR cameras, a green screen studio set. I like the green screen idea since it means I can carry one background around with me and then add whatever background I want to the finished pictures with the software. It will probably cost me around 3 to 4 grand total on the computer plus the studio equipment I would need. I just need the basics to do freelance work. It just sucks that the profession I have the most interest and passion in would be one that requires expensive equipment, but it could be more I guess. It's expensive to me considering I'm transitioning on top of those costs. For now my little Fujifilm consumer grade camera is going to have to do. It's 10 mega pixels, so it's a decent enough resolution to get the job done. Back on the subject of Thanksgiving, like I said, it was rather uneventful. We did break down on the way back to my house though. That part did really suck, but luckily we were close enough by that I could ask my grandparents to pick me up and take me home. Aside from that little issue, things were pretty good, I can't complain. I got something out of it that definitely helps me to move forward with the career I want, and I got to spend time with my favorite side of the family. I can say I had a good holiday, I just hope Christmas goes as well.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Transgender Day of Remembrance

I'm a little late getting this up, but it's something worth writing about to me. I'm sure most people who are reading my blog know that this past day was the International Transgender Day of Remembrance. I never really know what to write or say for it, nothing really seems to ever say it all. I looked at the list over on transgender.org earlier for 2009, I always hate looking at those lists, but I felt like I should. It was sickening to see the number of people on that list from this past year, compared to last years list. It was around 30 to 32 or so last year, and if this year's list is correct, the number is 134. I can't say I know if that figure is 100% correct, but if it is, that means there's been a little over a 100% increase in anti TG violence in the last year. Honestly, that scares the the hell out of me, but it angers and saddens me more than it scares me. I will never be able to comprehend what would make anyone kill another for being something they have no choice to be. I hope I never will understand that, because life is too short to spend it senselessly hating people. I just wish more in this world could see it the way I do. I can't even begin to explain how much emotion is stirred in me every November 20th. I don't look forward to it, because until the day that list is blank for the past year, I know we still have so far to come towards acceptance in this world. Sitting here writing about it isn't going to further our cause though, and neither will reading those names or anything anyone else writes about it unless we stand up for ourselves. We had one hell of a victory last month with the passage of the hate crimes bill, but we have so much more still to fight for. The work towards that goal doesn't start on capitol hill, it starts with each and every one of us who decides to not be ashamed of being TG. It starts with every one of us who decides to stand up for ourselves in the face of those who seek to demean us. It starts with us all, and whether or not we choose to hide our true selves, or to embrace them. Remember those who have been taken from us as a result of senseless violence, it's up to us to speak for them now. It's up to us to speak out for them and ourselves, because we don't deserve to live in fear. It's ok if you're not to the point of being ready to take a stand publicly, but those of us who are ready and willing to most definitely should. It doesn't matter how big or small that stand is, if you make it, that's one more strike against the hate we face. We can't let these deaths have been in vain, they must be our inspiration to fight back. So let this day be not only one of reflection and remembrance, but let it also be one of inspiration to move our cause forward. It's up to each and every one of us to do so, one person can make a difference. Rest in peace brothers and sisters, we will not forget you.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

New Website

I decided to move most of the stuff from my old site over to a new one, I was tired of not having my name in the site address. There were too many broken picture links and bad grammar on the old one also. So, as of now, I have one website that links everything of mine on the net together. It took a few days, but something happened earlier in the week that made me a bit embarassed by the old site. I got asked to be in a documentary on transgender people, I'm not quite sure where it's going to go just yet. I'm pretty certain he's legit, and after talking to him a bit I can tell he knows what he's talking about. I can't really say it's anything definite yet, but I guess I'll see where things take me. Part of me is nervous about possibly doing it, but at the same time it may be my chance to get my opinions heard in a big way. It's something I may have to look forward to at the very least. I'll keep things updated as I know more about it. I overhauled the website for sake of having something halfway decent looking for people to see if this documentary thing goes anywhere. I changed the link over on the right, just click the one labled my website to check it out, if you want.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Good Times

There isn't too much to talk about lately, I did get to go out for Halloween night. I went out to a club in Norfolk with a few friends, including one I hadn't seen for well over a year. I also got to see another really good friend I hadn't seen for a while, so I guess the good luck symbol on my tattoo is working already. I actually found out last night that the guy who did it is dating the sister of a guy I went to school with. She found me on facebook and thanked me for letting him do my tattoo, and that he had actually gone online and looked up stuff about it that night after he did it. It's so great to know people I never expected it from are open minded about me. It's also great to know I made a real impression on the guys at the tattoo place, apparently they were talking about me, all good stuff too. I did set aside a few hours to do my own serious thing for Halloween, seeing as I celebrate Samhain, the original ancient Celtic version of Halloween. I just love how the timing of getting my tattoo and the holiday happened, I swear few big things in my life seem to happen for no reason. I made a commitment not too long ago before I decided to get the tattoo, that I'm going to make serious effort to eventually become a Wiccan high priestess. The tattoo in a way is my reminder to myself of the path I'm called to follow, and how to stay on that path. Getting it right before the most major holiday I celebrate, my new year, speaks volumes to me. It's like with the beginning of a new year, I've also begun a new chapter in my life. I don't usually bring my religion up on here, but it's time I remain true to my description of an uncensored diary of my life. This was just too big to go unmentioned, the last 4 days have really been great for me. I love when something otherwise insignificant, can really grab your attention and show you something profound. I'm on the right path in life, I've had all the confirmation I need lately, and it feels wonderful.