It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Friday, August 7, 2009

The Last Week

I got a call last Friday morning telling me that I needed to reschedule my appointment at my clinic. Luckily I called my friend up and she wasn't busy Tuesday, so I just moved it up and got it over with already. It went really well, even though we got there very early I went inside about 20 minutes early. They were running behind so I got about 35 to 40 minutes of waiting time. It flew by pretty fast though, the waiting room was pretty full and we had almost everyone involved in one big conversation. It was just great to have a conversation with other TG people, even though it was just about random things. I was pretty happy to find out when I got weighed that I managed to drop 5 pounds since May. I was 133, now I'm down to 128, and I was 120 when I started hormones. I'm not trying to go back that far, I just want to keep it well within the 120s range. I guess cutting out unhealthy snacks between meals and watching calories worked. I spilled everything about going back to therapy, and had to tell them that I was getting a little depressed was why. Then my doctor figured out I had been smoking without me even telling her. She was checking my lungs with the stethoscope and suddenly said, how long have you been smoking? I kind of paused out of shock and explained that I had only been since last fall, and mostly just social smoking. I haven't had a cigarette since June, and the only smoking I did since then was some pot a couple of times. I didn't know she would pick it up that easily. Luckily I didn't get in trouble, she just strongly suggested that I not smoke anymore. Which I can comply with since it seems I've never managed to get addicted, to any brand I've used. They took blood and wanted me back in 2 months because of the depression. So I guess I got off a little easy after all of that. I know they're trying to connect the dots a bit with those 3 things. I had a therapy appointment earlier that day, so it was a pretty busy day for me. I had a bad day today. My grandparents got all bitchy on me when I asked for a ride to get my meds next week, and said some things that really upset me. I locked myself in my room and tried to call my mom, when she didn't answer I texted my aunt. She asked me if coming and staying with her next weekend might help, so that seems to be the plan for now. She told me before if I ever needed to get away from here for a few days that I could come stay with her, so I'm looking forward to it. I need a break from this place and my grandparents, even if I have to wait a week.

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