It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Small Problems

I actually had quite a few things to talk about since the last time I posted. My last therapy appointment was rather uneventful, aside from her suggesting possibly looking for some kind of halfway house to help me get on my feet. No luck there though, everything in the area is for either drugs or alcohol rehab, no mental illness recovery ones that aren't for anyone over 18. I don't know where that idea will go, I guess I'll have to wait to find out. Last Saturday morning I woke up and went to use the bathroom and it burned like hell when I peed. I hoped it would pass within a day or so, at first I just hoped it was from tucking too tightly lately. It just lasted a lot longer than I thought it would because of that. I was scared enough I might have a urinary infection I went to the doctor on Monday. That was an adventure unto itself. Everyone who was called up to the receptionist desk to get their IDs and insurance cards back was called either Mr. or Mrs. by her before their last name. I was sitting there the whole time with my heart pounding hoping that she wouldn't use Mr. in front of my name. She had my ID so it would have been easy to figure things out. Luckily she just called me Sage, which I was so relieved to hear. The pee test came back negative for any kind of infection, so I felt lucky about that. I apparently passed with doctor though. I ended up having to out myself when he asked me if I had noticed any vaginal discharge or if I had ever had a yeast infection. We established rather awkwardly what kind of parts I had, then went though everything that might be possible. He agreed with me about any kind of prostate issues, I'm too young, and the estrogen would cause it to shrink and not be prone to problems as easily. We eventually came to the conclusion that it was because of how I was tucking things. I had been trying to make it as tight as I could lately to keep things from slipping out, and it wouldn't be the first time I've gotten irritated down there. Uretheral irritation was the final diagnosis, basically I had been sitting it on it too often for too long. I managed to chafe the inside of it somehow. The doctor handled it very well though, which surprised me for a doctor here in town, it didn't seem to phase him. Luckily things have cleared up now, and I learned I need to take care of parts I don't want better. Things have been relatively calm aside from that little issue.

Friday, July 17, 2009

The Last Week

There isn't really that much to say about the last week or so. I had my second therapy appointment on tuesday, but it's still pretty soon to really make much of a judgement about how it's going. So far I like her, and she's been very understanding about everything going on with me. I haven't really talked that much yet about the new issues with me, I've mostly been trying to let her get to know me so far. I go again on tuesday, so I'm going to try to bring more things up this time. Just my luck, last week when I walk out to get picked up from my appointment I find out another family member has just died. So things aren't really getting better yet, but I hope once I start bringing up everything I came there to talk about things will start improving.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

First Appointment

I finally had my therapy appointment today, and things went pretty well. I found out she had actually had transgender patients before, so that makes me feel like she knows what she's talking about. Somehow she guessed that I did pot, but she said she didn't think it was that bad. We talked a little about anti depressants, mostly about if I felt like I would like to try them. I'll have to go talk with the psychiatrist first to get them, but for now I'm going to wait a week or two and see if I still feel like I need them. I'm going to go back once a week for now until I feel like I'm getting a bit more comfortable. Mostly I just want to get the getting to know me part sped up a little. I like her, and I think things are going to go pretty well. I have hope for this. Last weekend was a little bit good and a little bad. My step dad tried to cause more problems, but my aunt got it straightened out. Me and my aunt actually had a really long talk Saturday night about things. I found out me and her have a lot of the same problems and issues. So it's nice knowing that someone else in the family knows what I go through. She told me the next day that if I ever needed to get away from things to just let her know, because she could come get me and I could stay there for a while. So me and her seem to have more in common than we ever thought. I don't know where things are going to take me. I hope I can get some help in therapy with all of this shit, but I guess only time will tell.