It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Rough but Good Times

Well, I guess it's time I write something here again. Things have been pretty rough lately, my grandfather died last Wednesday. I'm not nearly as sad though as I wish I could be, I never really got to know him that well. I think that's what bugs me the most, I missed 12 years that I could have known him because of my family. It's too late to really bitch much about that, whats done is done. The funeral caused me a bit of stress though, mostly before and during. I was worried the day before about how extended family that didn't know I'm TG would react, I was calling my mom asking if me wearing a dress would be an issue or not. I mean normally I wouldn't consider toning down the girly looks, but I really didn't want to ruin the funeral if people reacted badly. She told me it was fine though, and my aunt didn't want me to hide who I am, so I did it. I'm actually very glad I did now, because no one seemed to notice, believe it or not. Apparently they were such extended family that they didn't know if my mom had a son and a daughter or two sons. All they seemed to know was that she had a son. She introduced me as her daughter to everyone, and they all seemed a little confused but went along with it anyway saying they didn't know she had a daughter. They did keep asking if she didn't have a son though, but we just said it was my brother. I honestly don't think anyone could tell I was TG, if they did, they didn't let on to it. They treated me and accepted as my moms daughter, and I got lots of compliments on how much I look like her too. It made me feel really good to know I had passed so well. The pastor that did the funeral service was actually one that spoke at my high school graduation and shook my hand when I got my diploma, and he never recognized me. I feel kind for bad being that happy at a funeral, but I was just so shocked by how well everything went. Well, I take that back. One thing did go wrong that morning, but not with me. My step dad decided he wasn't going to let my brother come to the funeral, because my mom walked out on him 2 weeks ago and is getting a divorce. He told my brother that if he went he couldn't come back home. Needless to say a lot of people were pissed off that day as well as sad. I mean that's a low blow by anyone's standards, and just makes me hate him even more. I'm glad my mom walked out on him, and she has a boyfriend too that accepts me as I am and is pretty cool. So I'm hoping things with my family take a turn for the better in the near future.

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