Friday, May 8, 2009
I went to another doctors appointment Tuesday, everything checked out fine. I had blood taken, the works. It was just a follow up appointment to see how I'm doing after a month since I've had the estrogen increased. There was some new person there helping out who checked my blood pressure and stuff this time. She noticed the scars on my arms and asked if I had a history of cutting myself. I was honest and said I did, and that I hadn't in almost 2 years, she talked to me about it for a bit. Apparently she thinks I should see a therapist. I can't really disagree, I know I need to, but like I told her, I have no job, and no insurance. The only way I can afford to see a therapist is if I find one that works for free. I hide a lot of my feelings from them at the clinic. The people there are great, it's just that I know I'd fuck up my transition if I mentioned that I've been seriously depressed lately. I can't take the chance of them lowering or possibly taking me off the estrogen. I do say that it still happens sometimes, but I say I get over it faster than I do. Life is just getting to me lately. It seems like as soon as one door of opportunity is opened to me it's slammed shut in my face. No one is fucking hiring for jobs here! At least not any that I'm qualified to do. I would try to sell a few things on ebay, but I can't even set up a damn pay pal account until I get my new debit card, which still hasn't come. I was supposed to be getting it this week, if I don't have it by Monday I'm going to the bank and bitching. I just need a change of scenery right now I guess. Not moving around as much as before is getting to me. That's something I miss a lot about being with my ex, going there and not having to be here all the time. Now it seems like I'm right back where I started, and in no better financial situation either. I'm hanging in there though, but it's getting harder all the time.