About:

It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman, and everyday life in general. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that transgender people face every day.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Sexuality

I don't really bring this subject up that often, but I'm starting to think even more lately that I'm lesbian. I've had my suspicions all along, but I haven't had a girl actually hit on my until lately. I guess it made me rethink my sexuality, at least how exactly I define it. I've gone with pansexual for a while now, just because I could easily make an emotional connection with someone, regardless of gender, when it came to love. Physically it's a different story. I don't know it's from being uncomfortable with my own body or not, but with guys I just can't seem to do much physically, aside from the obvious limitations. I can only go so far with a guy before I get grossed out or nervous. My ex told me all the time he thought I was lesbian when we had physical issues, it's just that now I think he's right. Sometimes I don't even know if I have a sexuality, because it's not like I've done much better with girls in the past. My goal isn't sex when I'm looking for a relationship, it just sometimes seems like I'm asexual. Maybe it's just too soon to worry about what exactly I like in someone else, I definitely have bigger priorities in my life right now. It's just weird I guess. I've always liked girls, which is what caused me most of the issues I had coming to terms with being TG. I've been with more girls than guys in the past anyway. I don't completely know what I like right now, all I know is that I'm about 95% sure I'm lesbian. I'm leaving 5% just for curiosity. All I know is that given the choice between a girl and a guy that were equally attractive physically, I'd go with the girl. So I guess it's safe to say I'm lesbian then. Just some random thoughts for the night.

2 comments:

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Joshie wolf said...

going through a transition can be really difficult, and having two things come at you at once, isnt always easy,

we dont only have to think okay i have to work and use all my emotions to be the gender i feel inside, but we also as teens have to figure out our sexuality.

i dont think sexuality has to be black and white with knowing, who we are in the beginning.

its what your happy feeling as time goes by, and if your more comfortable with a woman, and love someone deeply one day with all your heart, it will fall in to place like a puzzle.

when you are carrying around a body which doesnt feel like it belongs to you, it is not easy to come close to others, but as we grow, and alter then the wall which is the body we were born with, fades a way