It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


I don't really bring this subject up that often, but I'm starting to think even more lately that I'm lesbian. I've had my suspicions all along, but I haven't had a girl actually hit on my until lately. I guess it made me rethink my sexuality, at least how exactly I define it. I've gone with pansexual for a while now, just because I could easily make an emotional connection with someone, regardless of gender, when it came to love. Physically it's a different story. I don't know it's from being uncomfortable with my own body or not, but with guys I just can't seem to do much physically, aside from the obvious limitations. I can only go so far with a guy before I get grossed out or nervous. My ex told me all the time he thought I was lesbian when we had physical issues, it's just that now I think he's right. Sometimes I don't even know if I have a sexuality, because it's not like I've done much better with girls in the past. My goal isn't sex when I'm looking for a relationship, it just sometimes seems like I'm asexual. Maybe it's just too soon to worry about what exactly I like in someone else, I definitely have bigger priorities in my life right now. It's just weird I guess. I've always liked girls, which is what caused me most of the issues I had coming to terms with being TG. I've been with more girls than guys in the past anyway. I don't completely know what I like right now, all I know is that I'm about 95% sure I'm lesbian. I'm leaving 5% just for curiosity. All I know is that given the choice between a girl and a guy that were equally attractive physically, I'd go with the girl. So I guess it's safe to say I'm lesbian then. Just some random thoughts for the night.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

My Name Change is Done!

I have great news for my 100th post, all of my ID records are officially updated with my new name. I went to the bank on Wednesday and got the name on my account changed, and today I went to DMV and and had my ID card updated. I also stopped by the pharmacy on the way to get a refill on some of my meds and had the name changed on that, so everything is officially done with my name change. It at least takes care of all the major things that had to be done, so I'm very happy to get this over with finally. The sex still says M, but right now just having the name done is good enough for me. I'll figure out how to get that changed later. This takes some stress off my shoulders for now at least. It feels good to know that things are still moving forward. I'm happy with where things are going.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

My Estrogen Was Increased

I got my estrogen increased to 4mg a day at my check up on Tuesday. I had been on 3 a day for almost a year, so I decided to ask about increasing it again since I wasn't having any problems. So I've been pretty happy about that this week. I got to stay the night at my best friend's house Thursday night, and she modeled for a few pictures for me. We hung out at the mall for a bit the next day, and spent the day together. I had fun, and it helped take my mind off of a lot of things that have been bothering me lately. I got my new social security card in the mail yesterday, so now I can finally go and get my ID changed next week. I just have to see about altering the name on my bank account first and then I can get the rest over with. Things are moving forward a little bit at a time now. I'm still struggling a bit with depression, but it's getting better. I just have to do stuff to take my mind off of things while I wait for transition stuff to happen. I don't really have much to say tonight, I haven't been in much of a writing mood lately for some reason.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Rough and Busy Times

It's been a while since I wrote anything here. I've had a lot going on the last couple of weeks. I finally got to have my birth certificate updated last Thursday, but I didn't make it to the social security office to apply for a new card before they closed. My friend took me back this Thursday and I finally got that done, and it didn't cost me anything either. I had to pay 22 for the birth certificate, 10 to alter the record and 12 for the copy. So far I've spent about 74 dollars total on getting my name changed and updating records. I've still got to pay 10 more once I get my ID changed at DMV, so I'm looking at around 84 total in the end. Which is a lot better than I had first estimated. I'm not sure what to do about my school records, if they can alter those or make any kind of note on them. I need to look into that at some point. After all my ID forms are updated all I have left is altering my bank account info, and I'm done with all the big stuff. I'll have to update files at my doctors office, but I'm hoping that I can do that when I go back Tuesday. I had a pretty good experience this past Tuesday night. I was finally able to go back to the club in Norfolk that I like with a friend of mine. Things were going pretty well, I got to see people that I hadn't seen for a while and have a little fun. I was just walking around when this guy stopped me and introduced himself. We started talking and found out we had a lot in common. I could tell he was very attracted to me right from the start by the way he was looking at me, and he even offered to buy me a drink. At one point when were talking we both got a little quiet, and when I looked over at him again he leaned over and kissed me before I realized what was going on. I was very surprised, but I reacted quickly enough that I kissed back and was sitting there thinking wow what just happened? I told him a few minutes later that I'm TG, and he tells me that he's gay, another shock to me. I think that only made him like me more because he tried to kiss me again, I went along with it this time, but he tried to get some tounge in it and I backed off. I told him to slow down a bit that I wasn't ready to go that far yet. We ended up talking for about an hour or so until the club closed and got each others phone numbers. Although I don't think anything is really going to come of it seeing as he's gay and I don't want to keep the part that he likes. He didn't look too bad either, and he was in the Navy. He hasn't called yet, but it doesn't bug me that much since I know I can't give him what he wants. It just gave me a real confidence boost to have someone hit on me for a night and think that I'm attractive. I've also been trying to further my potential photography career. Since the weather has gotten better I've been going out and getting more pictures, and I also decided to start a website to put some of my best work on. It's not much just yet, but it's a start. I can at least have a web address to give a potential employer who wants to see my work. The job market sucks as badly as ever, so I have no clue where things are going with moving. I'm trying not to lose hope though. I've been battling bouts of depression lately, so that's been a little hard to do. That's why my posting kind of dropped off for a while. I'm going to try to keep up with things here though.