It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

My Plans Fell Apart

My moving plan fell apart earlier today. I talked to my friend who was offering me the room after I hadn't heard from him for almost 2 weeks, then I find out that he's moved. The new place has a room for rent, but it's 400 a month, twice as much as the first offer. It's also in a really bad part of town too. So once again I'm let down when I trusted someone who said they wanted to help me. I was very sick most of last week, so this is a perfect ending to that. I have an offer from another friend who's moving to the same area, and I'm hoping it will only cost me two to three hundred a month if we can find a cheap place. I just hate having to go with this option because I have to find a job before I can move if I go with her. I'm going to have a lot less help and I'll have to get someone to co sign on a lease for me since I have no credit history right now. It just complicates things a lot more, so I have no clue whats going to happen right now. I've been crying on and off for the last few hours over it. It's just the last thing I needed to hear right now. I'm feeling kind of hopeless at the moment, but I've at least got some hope that things might eventually work out for the best.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

My Name is Finally Legal

My name is now officially legal! I got order in the mail today, and as soon as I saw it was addressed to Sage F. Cox I knew it had gone through. I don't normally use my last name online but I had to this time just to capture the moment. They sent me 5 copies of the order, which I thought I was going to have to pay for extras, but I guess not. That was about the same number I had planned on getting anyway, so this is great, I save a little money. All I have to do now is get my ass to Richmond to get my birth certificate and social security card updated. Apparently the order was signed on the 23rd of last month. So I'm a little pissed off that it took them 2 weeks from the time it was legalized to get it to me. It was post marked yesterday, so they never bothered to send it out until now. Luckily, my friend that can give me a ride for all of this gets her license back in a week, so I should be able to get stuff done on time. I'm just happy to have the tense waiting around to find out what happened part behind me. This definitely helped to bring me out of my down mood I've been in the last couple of weeks. I'm slowly getting over losing my boyfriend, it's not easy, I was with him for almost a year. Right now I just want to try to move on with my life. I've been using art as a way to take out my frustrations and worries the last week or so, it's been fairly productive. If I'm going to feel like crap the least I can do is put those feelings to good use. I really do miss him though, but I'm tired of trying to hold on to someone who doesn't love me anymore. I've got a lot of plans for my life that I need to make happen. As soon as I get the stuff with my name change straightened out and I get the money my mom promised me, I can move in with my friend and hopefully try to get out on my own. Once I'm able to do that and hold down a steady job I can finally start moving my transition forward a little faster. The hardest times definitely aren't behind me yet, maybe that's why I'm recovering from this break up so soon. I know living out there in the world and supporting myself is going to bring on a whole new set of worries and problems. For now I'm just trying to enjoy the moment of having my name finally legalized. I'll start worrying about getting things done tomorrow.