Sunday, February 1, 2009
Well I'm still waiting for that background check to come back in the mail. It's been about a week so far, so I hope it gets here soon. Although at the same time, getting everything started with my name change has made me feel some mixed emotions. On one hand I couldn't be more happy and excited to finally be getting it done, but on the other it feels almost like I'm taking the last step to erasing who I used to be. I know that my past has made me who I am today, I don't think changing my name is going to make it all go away or anything. I guess it seems more symbolic than anything. As if changing my name finally completes the first part of my transition. It's a weird feeling, I want it done, but for some reason I feel this hint of sadness. I guess that's normal, it's not like it's enough to make me change my mind. I almost feel like I'm starting a new phase of transition, which I guess in a way I am. It just makes me very reflective on everything. It makes me re-evaluate my entire transition, and stop and think am I ready for this. Aside from starting hormones, this is one of the biggest steps I've taken so far. The waiting is just the worst part, it gives me too much time to imagine everything that could go wrong. It's just a matter of keeping my mind occupied until everything goes through.