About:

It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Updates On Life

I finally got to go to my doctors appointment today, it only took an extra month. It went pretty well though. My blood pressure checked out fine, I only dropped one pound, and I got new prescriptions on all my meds. I was worried all the shit I've been doing the last month or so might screw things up. I guess I got lucky. I seriously down played the drinking, but I did tell my doctor that I've been doing it a lot lately. I never brought up smoking, but I'm hoping I can fix that problem before it becomes a serious issue. I was kind of light headed when I got home, but that was probably because they took 3 vials of blood out of me. My ears were even ringing for a while too, that's the worst I've ever felt after they did that. I'm ok now though, I got some food and sugar in me once I got home. I did get my phone issue fixed last Saturday. They wanted to charge me 175 bucks for a new one like the one I had, so I had to get my old phone reactivated. It's one of those old blue nokia phones that was popular back in 03. It's pretty crappy compaired to the one I messed up, but I can at least call and text. It's pretty basic, but I'll live. The good news is that I can upgrade it on the 22nd. So I only have to use this one until then and I can get a new one free. I've pretty much recovered my New Years binge now, and I'm finding out stuff from other people that I didn't remember. Apparently they were trying to get me to drink water and I kept pushing it away, they told me it was vodka and I grabbed the glass and started drinking it. I disgust myself sometimes with my addictions, more like all the time. I haven't done anything since the other day, but I've definately thought about what I'm going to do to fix all this. I'm quitting smoking period, and I'm cutting the drinking back a lot. From now on I'm quitting once I notice I'm buzzed. I'm going to avoid getting drunk if I can, but I'm making sure Richard and all my friends know to get the alcohol away from me once I'm drunk from now on. I'm trying to count on myself more than anyone else to stop this, they're just my back up in case I let myself go again. I can do this, I broke one addiction, I can kick a couple more. I've beat myself up about this for the last week. I've been depressed as hell, but at least today lifted my spirits a bit with a good check up and everything. I picked up a copy of the Heroin Diaries today, I'm a big Motley Crue fan. The soundtrack has helped me with a lot of addiction problems, I'm hoping the book might scared me straight. It's pretty damn good so far. I guess if he could beat all the shit he did, I can quit the small time I've been doing. Anyway, that's about all I have to say for now. I could sit here and sulk some more, and ask questions that only I know the real answers to, but I'm not. I'm going to go read some more.

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