It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Relationship Troubles

I don't normally write about the problems between me and my boyfriend, but it's gotten to the point where he's the cause of a lot of my problems. It just seems like what we had in the begining is gone now. It's been 9 months, and for at least the last 4, things have just been going downhill. He was the first person period, I ever had sex with, and despite having done it 4 times, I've never gotten that into it. For some reason sex is hard for me. It's the same with girls, I should know, I dated a few in my time. Nothing ever came of those relationships though. I liked the idea of sex, but now it's like what's the big deal? It physically hurts for me to do, and I can't take it very long. Unfortunately it's causing problems with me and him. He doesn't understand how I feel, and spending less and less time with me. Im sitting here writing this right behind him, while he's on the other computer playing the game that he played for 6 hours earlier. I'm getting to the point now where I can't stnd a lot of the shit I'm getting from him. I keep trying to beg him to do things with me, spend more time with me, and help me out, but he won't. It's getting on my nerves, and it makes me feel like I'm the one doing everything wrong. He can't even take a damn shower every day. He's too distracted by this game to even notice that I'm pissed. I've tried talking to him about this, I've tried just about every suggestion that 10 or more people have made to me with him, and nothing seems to work. I don't know if this relationship is going to last past new years. I'm trying as hard as I can to work out these problems, and he won't do a thing. So I'm just tired of being the only one trying. He's holding me back from doing a lot of the stuff I want to do. He has no job, and barley tries as it is to even get one. He makes promises that he doesn't keep, and gets upset over some of the stupidest things. I don't know if I can take it much longer, I love him to death, but he's like dead weight to me a lot of the time. Anyway, I don't care if he sees this, he never looks at what I write anyway. So that's really all that's going on right now.


Anonymous said...

I hate to say it but, welcome to the world of men! If they don't get enough sex, they lose interest in the relationship fairly quickly, especially in your age group. They tend to think mostly with their testicles. He probably is resenting you for, as he sees it, "cutting him off" from sex.

Sonora Sage said...

Oh, what a familiar story. I was actually married to someone who fits that description almost perfectly. Do yourself a favor, don't hang on to something that makes you this unhappy. I'm sure you can do better. :-)

Lori D said...

I have to agree with Sonora. But I won't go so far as to tell you to leave. You'll know when the time is right to make the tough decisions. Stay strong.

Bruninho Psycho Angel said...

Well, it's something like Amber said, welcome to a men's world!

But you should try to sit and explain it to your man, how painful sex is, how hard it's for you to handle it, at leat by now, and you should be patient for yourself. Don't let yourself fall in the mistake of blaming yourself for anything wrong in your relationship! It's just a mistake!

lageslos said...

Alargar una situación solo empeorara las cosas.Valora lo que deseas y actúa.