It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Happy Birthday to Me

Well it's the night of my birthday, it was the 23rd, but it is after midnight now. It didn't turn out all that bad I guess, could have been better. It started out pretty shitty, Richard calls and says if I don't make it down for my birthday then I have to spend Christmas with him. So we got into an argument over that, where I point out that I didn't plan on getting sick for 3 days, and I had already told him a month ago I was spending it with my family. Then he's telling me he's just going to leave me becasue if we don't have time together to fix things before new years it's too late to do anything about it. After a while of arguing I give in and say I'll come down there tomorrow. Then he asks me if he can make it up to me some way, and I say cigarettes and vodka. Like I need large amounts of either right now. It's just what dealing with shit like that from him has driven me to. Anyway, my dad showed up with braty little brothers as that tear filled conversation was going on, so I had to deal with banging on my door for half of it. Then they get to drive me nuts for a while until my mom called and I asked her to take me into town to buy a bottle of vodka. As I was getting myself ready he calls me back and says that now I can wait until christmas afternoon to come so I can spend time with my family. It made me happy, but at the same time if he can't me a ride for that day I'm just going tomorrow and saying to hell with what my family thinks. All of this for him, after I specifically said I wanted to stay home to help ease some of the tension with my family. So my mom got me and took me out for a while, got me some alcohol, and I made a couple drinks tonight, but nothing much. I got a small buzz that was about it. Not exactly what I had planned for today, there was way more drama than I liked. I have no clue where I'm spending Christmas now. I want to spend it with my family to show them that I actually still care about them, but he made such a big deal about spending with him that I'm just going there if he gets a ride. Relationships are a bitch sometimes. I guess things could have been worse, I'm alive, so I guess that's something to be thankful for.

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