It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Back At Home

Well I got home ealier in the day from Richard's. Got yelled at within the first 5 hours of being home too. Like usual my grandparents see fit to make me feel like the most horrible person in the world. I ask them if they know what they're going to do for Thanksgiving yet, out of some consideration for them. I wanted to know because I was actually thinking of staying here for it. Then somehow the conversation once again goes to me not having a job. They tell me I need to pick one place and live there all the time, and then threaten to cut the internet off here since I haven't been home in a month. They also keep telling me they're going to stop paying my health insurance for me. I just tell them do it, it's not helping me at all with transition, and I can't afford to pay it myself. They already say I'm not getting my savings account in December, so they're just trying to make my life as miserable as they can. Sometimes I'm not sure why I even try to come home at all. Then again I'll admit I had gotten kind of homesick after being away for a month. Kind of weird since I've spent the last 5 years trying to figure out how to get away from this place. Now that I might finally have that chance, it's harder than I thought it would be. I feel almost like I have no real home right now. I'm going back and forth between Richard's and my house, and I'm never here more than 2 weeks at a time lately. Since the begining of August I haven't spent more than a week at home, almost 2 months away total. I don't really feel like I have much of a choice right now, move away or stay here and suffer. Only I can't move, because I can't afford it. I can try the moving in with Richard and his parents thing, but I can only fit so much of my stuff into his room. What I brought just for a month was a challenge to fit. I don't know what I'm going to do right now. My only real choice is to leave everyone I've known my whole life behind, and my friends, and just get moving over with some way. Me and him just both need jobs first, which around here is easier said than done for me.

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