It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Sunday, March 16, 2008


Well I've had a few days since my little incident Thursday to clear my head a bit. I've come up with a few solutions so far. First of all, I'm going to use the rest of my 100mg spiro pills that I got offline. I'm going to take one of them a day with one of the 50mg pills they charged me so damn much for. That way I can make them both last longer. It's at least enough to last me 2-3 months at the dosage I'm on now. My only worry is that I'm mixing name brand and generic spiro. They're supposed to be the same thing, but I guess you never know what you can really trust. It's a risk I wouldn't normally take without talking to my doctor first, but drastic times call for drastic measures, I suppose. It's a risk I'm willing to take, I know if I go off them suddenly I go into withdrawal. More importantly it would be like throwing 9 months of work away. So that's my short term solution. Long term, I'm going to have to talk with my doctor about getting into some program that helps people who can't afford their meds. I saw some posters on the walls at the clinic when I was there last about something like that, so I'll have to see what she suggests. If she can't help me find a way to get them at a better cost, I'm going to have to go back to buying online. It won't be very dramatically less than what I'm paying now, but anything helps I guess. To be honest, I'm scared out of my mind right now. Ever since Thursday I've randomly been breaking down and crying. If it was anything else, it might not bother me this much, but it's my hormones that are being threatened. In my mind, they're what's keeping me alive right now. I can't physically, or mentally afford to stop HRT right now. I'd go crazy if my body reverted back to how it was. I can't live as a guy. I'm trying my best to overcome this obstacle, and I swear I will not quit. Transition or die trying! I actually feel like I'm dying right now. I've got a sore throat that started up last night, and now a headache, which I'm worried means I've got a fever. I do a feel kind of hot. I don't know, I'm loading up on all the oranges and green tea I can today. I'm scared to mix any OTC meds with my hormones, so I'm just going to have to ride it out I guess. Anyway, that's all, I can't write anymore. I think I'm going to go lay down.

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