It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Angry Rant

I would have wrote something last night, but I was too upset when I got home to do much of anything. We got about half way to the clinic and they called and told me that clinic had been cancelled for the night because the doctor couldn't make it in. Needless to say I was pretty pissed off at that point. I couldn't tell them right then when I could come in so I had to call back later to make an appointment. My friend's boyfriend said he had the 12th off and that he could take me then, so I'm trying to get one for that day. I called last night and left a message but I haven't gotten a call back still. This really sucks too, I was hoping I'd get hormones this time, now if I can ever get anyone on the phone I'll still have to wait another 2 weeks. Once again it seems as if everything that can go wrong for me does. I've been pretty depressed all day today. To add insult to injury so to speak, I called my mom today and got to talk to her for a while, and now she's saying she won't call me her daughter until I have the operation. That just hurts, her of all people saying something that bigoted about what I'm going through, after she supported me as much as she has in the past. I tried to explain things to her, but all she would say is that until I've got what she does I'm not a girl. That just completely ruined my day. I'm so sick of things going the way they do for me. It's like people just toy around with me at first to make me get comfortable around them and then they hurt me. I can't take anymore of this shit from my family. Everyone I've asked to call me Sage and refer to me as a girl has been ok with it. I don't see why it's so damn hard to think that just maybe what's in your pants isn't what makes a woman. I'm growing boobs, wearing womens clothing and make up, and I plan to change my name to fit me as a woman. So I think I deserve at least enough respect to be called a woman. I've worked hard to get to where I am now with this and to have someone tell me that I'm not a real woman until I've got a vagina just pisses me the fuck off. I can't help it that I wasn't born female, I just wish of all people my own mom would take me seriously about this. Maybe I set my hopes too high for my family, I thought at least a few of them got me, but I guess today kind of shot that thought down. At least I've got friends I can count on, the only thing I can count on with my family is for them to let me down anytime I need them.

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