It's my hope to post entries here about my life and experiences as a trans-woman who also happens to have bipolar disorder. This is my way of making my voice be heard, and bringing attention to the issues that myself and others like me, face every day.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

First Time

I finally went out in public dressed up for the first time last night. My friend got me some clothes as a Christmas present so I actually had something worth wearing. It wasn't totally public I guess since I did wear my coat to cover myself up a little and didn't even have any make up on until I got to the clinic. I'm not sure but I think people could tell anyway, maybe it was the pants that gave me away. Someone in Burger King told me I had pretty hands so at least I got complimented if they noticed. My friends did my make up in the car before we went into the clinic. I didn't feel as awkward around people this time, I guess I felt like I fit in a little better. I was still pretty nervous considering it was my first time, but I'm glad I did it. I want to go like that every time now. It wasn't some magical moment or anything, but it felt good just to be me for once publicly and not have to hide anything. I went back with one of the people in charge of the TG clinic and got pretty much all the important paper work done. It was mostly just signing wavers to say that I understand the risks and agree to follow their rules with things. It wasn't really anything I hadn't heard before, but I found out I'm probably going to have to pay some money to get the hormones. I can come there and get the prescription and everything free, but I've got to pay myself to get it filled at a pharmacy. I guess I'm going to have to see if my insurance might cover it, possibly. I'll have to talk with my therapist about that at my next appointment. Things aren't as easy as I was hoping for, but I'm too close to getting help to turn back now. I've been on hormones that I got myself for almost 6 months now so there's no way I'm giving up. I've been out in public as a girl now, and I took everything that came my way, even a few insults behind my back. I'm getting there, it may be a bit slow coming, but I will make all this happen. I'd rather die than spend the rest of my life as a guy, so I think it's pretty clear what I have to do.

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