As the title says I can't sleep. It's 3 in the morning and I'm all too often finding myself still awake at this hour lately. Maybe I have too much on my mind, but I won't waste my time analyzing myself. I've had insomnia for years, so I guess I should be used to it by now.
My friend will hopefully be able to take me to the free clinic next tuesday. I haven't called or anything yet, but she would if she had the day off from work. If not I may have to wait until my mom can take me. I don't want to jinx it or anything, but I'm hoping this is my lucky break to get some help with this.
I didn't post earlier tonight because I was too busy working on a poem. Here's a copy of it for you to see.
today's cuts turn to scars of my past,
my body is a ruin, it wasn't built to last.
no matter what I do, I can't seem to hold myself together.
I'm coming apart at the seems and I don't know what to do.
every day it seems I wake up wanting to die; any death would do.
if cowards die many times before their deaths,
surely cowardice runs deep in me.
I'm suffocating, I feel trapped, trapped in a body that I hate.
the colors are all gone, no tears are left to cry.
the little crimson dancers are dancing down my arms,
and with this I'll say my last goodbye.
I'm sorry I broke all my promises, or that I couldn't survive.
my life was lies, I didn't even try.
I killed me, but it was the only way, for I just couldn't stay.